Dear Kate Spade,

Why do you do this to me? We’ve been in a pretty committed relationship now for what… over five years now (wow – time really does fly, doesn’t it?). Why I remember on Christmas morning when I opened my very first gift from you – a neon pink Stevie bag with tan accents and an inner lining adorned with witty newspaper personal ads. And now we’ve built quite a life together. As much as I love you and think of you often, we’ve had to take a bit of a break from each other (not a break-up, but more of a Rachel Green “on a break” situation). So why is it that you come charging back into my life with a “surprise sale” when you know I need to stay away from you… for now?

Living on an island has certainly made things easier. Back when I was a mere fifteen minutes away, we saw each other often. So much so, Steve started to get suspicious. But with an ocean between us, my husband’s concerns about our relationship have been assuaged. But these sales… damn these surprise sales! Why must you throw everything that is beautiful and good in my face during a time when I’m supposed to be saving money, thinking about my future, trying to plan a vacation? DAMMIT KATE, I LOVE YOU BUT I NEED SOME SPACE.

On second thought, I don’t need space. I need all of this:

You couldn’t just stop with the gorgeous wellesley floral, could you? You also had to throw in the southport avenue in the perfect shade of sunny summer yellow. And lest we not forget my love all things nautical, navy, and white. You really cut right through with the make a splash passport cover and the polka dot duck umbrella, perfect for grey lady days. And then you poured salt on the wound with the crystal gumdrop studs and a dainty open spade pendant. I think I need the genette sunglasses just to shield the world from my tears that I will never know the feeling of wrapping myself in the leopard dot tie back dress or the bow stripe mariella. I hope everyone else is thoroughly enjoying your sale shenanigans, because this lady is not falling for it (especially since it ends tonight at 11:59 P.M. – you certainly have a way of keeping a girl hanging on until the last minute!).

So Kate, we’re done for now. Not because we’re wrong for each other, but basically – I just don’t know how to quit you. And I’d like to stay married (especially to a man who knows his way around an outlet, amirite ladies?).

Sincerely,

~L

P.S. If you would like to get back into my good graces (as I’m sure you do), just a small reminder… my birthday is July 31. My golden birthday. So there’s that.