I can’t pretend that there is any sort of blanket statement that would explain this next round of photos. The first three posts were all like, “look at these cute children in pajamas/Christmas dresses. Aren’t they darling?” These next three in comparison don’t even seem like they’re from the same family. Of course there are some Scalera family Christmas card trademarks – pajamas, winter clothes, the fake Christmas fireplace backdrop. Some of the concepts are vague in purpose and one is just downright “inappropriate” (Grandma’s words, not mine). See for yourselves.

Card #10 – 1994 

I guess if I had to classify a theme for this one it’s “Stuff We Like That Totally Dates This Photo.” For Becky, The Lion King was her ultimate obsession. How she went from being afraid of the preview to watching it everyday on VHS when she came home from preschool, I have no idea. Her world was consumed- everything from her bedroom to her clothes, covered in singing African animals. She was physically in love with the character of Timon, despite the fact that she was freaked out by his stuffed animal version’s “elbow hair” and made my mom trim it. For me, it was all about Kirsten Larson. But you probably knew that. Unfortunately my love for her did not translate to properly caring for her hair, and by this point her traditional Swedish loop braids were history, never to be the same. I love how this picture says, “oh hello there. You just happened to stumble upon us waking up on Christmas morning as we come down the stairs and get a first glance at our glorious gifts.” But since people were opening this card in early December, I imagine they were confused. Was this a card from the future? No one will ever know…

Card #11 – 1995

I’m going to be honest, I don’t even remember why we did this. It’s a miracle that there’s snow in this picture, but again, it’s New England so this could have been Halloween. I vaguely remember that someone my parents knew had painted these and used them as lawn ornaments at Christmastime. I have no idea who these people were or where they lived. I just remember being ushered into the car all bundled up and being told that “today was the day” we were going to take our photo. So go stand in a stranger’s lawn and let’s get this wrapped up before someone comes. Okay, I’m sure we actually had permission. I still think something is weird about this though. Can we also notice that my sister has now inherited my jacket and the plaid purple pantsuit pants?! Some things just refuse to die.

Card #12 – 1996

My apologies for what you have just seen. In case you’re not sure and you don’t believe it, yes, that’s a photo of a sixth and second grader in their bikinis. I may have mentioned before that my dad has a slight obsession with Jimmy Buffet. The concept for this one was the whole “Island Christmas” vibe, which was ironic, because again, we lived in NEW HAMPSHIRE. And it’s not like we took this on the beach in the summer. Oh no, this was the first time I remember the Christmas card becoming a full scale photo shoot. 1996 was the year we had to start setting it up in the garage and running a space heater because it was so freaking cold. Especially when you’re in your BATHING SUITS. I’m going to spare you the other photos, but let’s just say Doreen was quite the propmaster that day. There were lawn chairs, fake presents, and margaritas (virgin, of course). I believe the tagline read “Wishing You a Cool Yule.” I think that all those things could be fine, but what really takes this photo from silly Christmas card to exhibit A at future therapy are the poses. I think my sister would holla for a dolla way before Honey Boo Boo was even a twinkle in Sugar Bear’s eye. My grandmother was so offended by this card she sent it back. Unfortunately for you, that’s not an option. Thanks, Internet.

I swear, the next installment will be less emotionally scarring. For you, at least. I can’t say the same for myself.

~L

And we’re back. And it’s the 90’s! Can you think of anything more fun and tacky than Christmas in the 90’s? If you’re wondering why I am exposing an embarrassing yearly tradition featuring my family, you can catch up here and here. But let’s get to the good stuff.

Card #7 – 1991 

Moving on up! That’s right folks- no more photo shoots on rocking chairs in the living room in front a curtain. This was the year we finally moved out of our tiny two-bedroom condo and into our own house. Though you probably couldn’t see it due to my mother’s hair obstructing the view. Another thing you may not be able to see are our festive Christmas sweatshirts with cross-stitched moose wearing wreaths. If that doesn’t scream New Hampshire, I don’t know what does. This was also the first (and last) card photo featuring my beloved cat Tiger (RIP!) who like my sister, was not to keen on being forced to be in the picture. She lucked out, because unlike the cat, we did not put her on a leash when attempting this. Despite the new house, sweatshirts, Santa hat, children and cat, we needed just one more prop, and that’s where the inflatable candy cane came in. Why we even had an inflatable candy cane is beyond me, but it obviously completed the photo.

Card #8 – 1992 

I told you- you can’t escape the Christmas background! That’s not the only hand me down in this picture, as my sister is wearing the same dress I sported in Card #4. Always a bridesmaid, those younger siblings. Not only did I get a new dress, I am also rocking a sweet oversized satin bow and I obviously got my hands on makeup for the first time. I don’t know why someone wouldn’t have stopped a second grader from smearing blue eyeshadow halfway up her face, but hey, it takes some of us years to grow into our fabulousness. And let’s face it, the saggy nylons are certainly not speeding up the process.

Card #9 – 1993 

Oh, man. Where do I even start? Now you have to love my mother for dreaming up a card concept in September, but it would have been nice to have at least one of these pictures with snow in it. Instead we were forced to sweat in our winter attire and pretend that Christmas was just around the corner. And I’m all for warmth, especially growing up in New England, but I don’t see why puffer jackets ever had to look like this. C’mon, my sister looks like a miniature body builder and I look like that chubby purple girl in that children’s movie I still haven’t seen. Also, can we talk about my pants? Steve and I certainly did.

Me: These are the ugliest pants in the history of the world. I don’t think a worse pair of pants have ever existed.

Steve: Um, I believe you tried to buy those exact pants at J.Crew last week, and I told you they were hideous. So who are you trying to fool?

Up next- the unintentionally offensive Christmas card.

~L

I’m sure that after the first Christmas card post yesterday you have been left with so many lingering questions. Like… would little Lindsay ever grow up and wear anything other than pajamas? Did her parents ever buy her new socks? I can’t promise answers to those questions in the this round. But I can promise… even more awkward photos. So let’s continue.

Card #4 – 1988 

Ladies and gentlemen, I am officially a grown up. I started wearing tights and appropriate footwear. This look to me says, “pajamas are so beneath a three and a half year old. Velour is where it’s at.” I had clearly had enough of standing on that death trap, and since I had been an only child for so long, I took to just sitting on my rocking chair like the royalty I was, primed to receive the commoners when they came a calling. Also this is when I think my mullet really started to take place. Probably because I highlighted it with headbands. Okay, so maybe it’s not really a mullet, but it’s definitely mullet adjacent. Poor girl. She has no idea this is her last year as the star of the Christmas card. Life would never be the same.

Card #5 – 1989 

As you will see later, this is the first appearance of many by the Christmas background. Oh I’m sorry- did I ruin the magic? Were you thinking that we were just hanging out in front of an actual fireplace and perfectly placed holiday garland? Sorry to burst your bubble, but it is all a lie. Except for my bangs. Those are horrifyingly real. Also have you ever seen a more uncomfortable infant? I had to hold onto her like that to keep her sleeves from catching a light breeze and carrying her away.

Card #6 – 1990 

What did I tell you about that background?! Also please note the matching pinafore dresses made by our grandmother- I believe those collars featured some very festive holiday geese traipsing around. I don’t understand how amongst all that Christmas cheer my sister could dare to sport a look that says, “I’ve been kidnapped. Send help.” Who wouldn’t want to be a part of this?!

Up next: The 90’s called, and they want all of their hair and clothes back. See you tomorrow!

~L