Guys… it’s that time of year again! Okay, so it was probably that time of year about three weeks ago, when people actually started asking me what I want for Christmas, but anyone who knows me knows that I am never on time for anything.
I said this last year, but I would just like to reiterate that I know that this is not what Christmas is about. I get it. I am not that selfish, I promise. I by no means think that I should or will get all of these things as gifts. As I said before, I have been making a very detailed visual Christmas lists since I was a teenager and I started asking for things I saw in magazines and my mother was just like, “what is this and where do I find it?!” (This was also pre-internet days, people.) And ever since I got married, I have a whole other family who asks me what do I want what do I want and I just like to be organized about it. Plus you’re nobody on the internet unless you have a gift guide these days, I guess the difference is those are usually for other people.
Also I was asked by a very generous uncle-in-law (is that a thing?) to specifically pick out things from certain stores where he possesses credit cards, hence items like a furry Russian hat. Although I do think I really need one of those.
I completely understand that it is crazy that this list is so long that it warranted two separate graphics. I divided things into categories, I like to pick items that are from a wide variety of price points, as well as being available in stores vs. solely on the internet. And since the dawn of Pinterest, it’s been very easy to keep lists of things that you randomly find on the internet that at that moment, you just can’t live without. That comes in really handy at the end of November when you have to start thinking about stocking stuffers. But maybe, just maybe, this list will help you shop for the super-fun lady in your life, because things like sparkles and lip gloss are totally universal.
Any color of the J.Crew Factory Pencil Skirt in Double-Serge Wool– I have this in tan and it’s the perfect weight for a winter skirt. I now want one in every color. The only color available online right now is the cabernet, which I would happily accept.
A fuzzy hat that makes me feel like a sexy Russian spy– Is it weird that I have always wanted one of these hats? Steve tried to find me one before we went to Canada for our first anniversary and ended up getting me one of those furry bomber hats with earflaps. Cute, but I never stopped wanting one of these babies.
Tall, warm socks– It has only taken me 28 years, but I have finally figured out that even though I have four different styles of boots, wearing paper thin ankle socks still doesn’t keep me warm when I’m out and about during those chilly winter months. I would love a few pairs of thick, neutral colored socks that I could wear peeking out of my less practical winter footwear.
A gray blazer– I have two of the J.Crew Factory schoolboy blazers and they are just the most perfect wardrobe essential to throw on any outfit to make it a little more profesh. This one is a slightly different cut, but I tried it on in the store and it was still to die for. I have to go a size smaller in these because the arms are kind of long on me, so it’s one of the only times in my life where I can pretend I’m a size zero.
Duck boots– I may have just mentioned that I have about four pairs of different types of boots, but half of them came from Payless and its a miracle they are still in one piece. Also, I live in New England, on a windy rainy island to be exact, so I think a girl can never go wrong with another pair of practical shoes. I know that the L.L. Bean Bean Boot is a classic, which I wouldn’t mind, but I just loved that these have a kicky color- I envision it being the perfect thing to brighten up a slushy day.
Statement necklaces– I mean really, I just can’t get enough. I would love a blinged out crystal version or a multicolored one that could go with lots of different things. All jewels, all the time.
A cheeky sweater– I mean, cause why not?
Kate Spade earrings– Because they are always fun. And sometimes cheap. Okay, well cheap in comparison to the other stuff they sell. But wouldn’t these be the perfect accessory for New Year’s Eve? Or you know, a Tuesday?
J.Crew Super-Opaque Tights– I love wearing tights but no matter how trim I keep my toenails, I always rip them. I got a pair of these at the outlet last year and they are amazing. They are just stretchy enough that they stay up but aren’t like wearing head-to-toe Spanx.
Nars Lip Gloss in Orgasm– There’s a reason this is one of their most popular lip colors. I tried it on the last time I went to Sephora and it was heaven. But my sister-in-law talked me out of it, because she is after all, related to my husband, and knew that he would not be so convinced for $25 a tube. Also the name. It’s hard just getting over the name. But it.is.worth.it.
A super cool folding board– Yes, I’m a nerd. Yes, I like my clothes organized. And YES, I WANT A FOLDING BOARD. My father-in-law got one last year and I was totally jealous. I have so many things that are folded now with the storage situation in my apartment and I just imagine myself whisking out one perfectly folded sweater after another with this baby.
Sparkly sneaks– Steve keeps telling me I need to wear more practical shoes now that I’m almost 30 (come to think of it, he’s probably been saying that for a few years). Since sneakers are ugly and boring, I am requesting these.
Smokin’ social media slippers– When Kate posted these on her blog a few months ago, I knew I had to have them (and use them in one of my Friday’s Fancies). They are a fabulous price point and mom’s love shopping at Kohl’s.
Mac Small Eye Shadow in Sumptuous Olive– This may come as a shock, but I previously owned this shade of eyeshadow, and I broke it into a million tiny pieces on my bathroom floor. I cried because this was my favorite shade and I got compliments on it every time I wore it. I just couldn’t swing spending the money on it when I have hundreds of lesser eye shadows that I could use. Also, I am not within stalking distance of Sephora anymore.
Vineyard Vines Winter Whale Mittens– Yes, I get it. These are ridiculous. They are $50. But they have whales on them. And I work at a whaling museum. Get it?!
A pair of brightly colored leather gloves– I got a cobalt pair last Christmas and I love them so much, I would love a set in a bright fuschia or purple.
Revlon Just Bitten Kissable Balm Stain– Guys, I might have a problem. I have four of these already, but I want them in every shade. They are just the perfect amount of color and they last for hours. I have read a bunch of reviews online and it seems like Honey is an all-around flattering color for every skin tone.
Clinique Chubby Stick Shadow Tint for eyes in Ample Amber– Okay, this is a very stupidly named product. But I do love Clinique bronzy eye shadows, and I always have to use some sort of cream/stick thing underneath to make it last longer. This looks like the idea shade for a little bit of shimmer or as a good base for blending multiple colors.
Stay tuned for part two!
~L
If you’ve been round these parts before, you might remember last summer when I took my first-ever maternity photos for my friend Tim and his wife, Cassie. In addition to photographing their wedding, I have known Tim since high school, and for the past few months, he’s been heading up our ten year high school reunion planning committee, so he’s a busy guy. I was shocked when he told me that the whole Buck family was willing to take a day trip to Nantucket for me to do a family shoot, their first since Maddie was born (who is now a year old). I said yes (duh) and we made arrangements for them to travel to my little elbow of sand.
Now, on to this week’s theme: Black Friday. Probably my least favorite day of the year (besides the day after the Oscars, when realize awards show season is over and a piece of my soul dies). After spending the previous four day-after Thanksgivings working at an extremely large mall, I am overjoyed at the thought of not going anywhere near a store this year. I really can’t complain, as the store that I was employed at did not even have those insane hours (like opening at midnight or three A.M., which is just inhumane). It’s just the idea of year after year, spending an entire holiday in which you should be able to be with your family and friends, and instead you’re trapped at a cash wrap, fighting for parking spaces and just generally hating the entire weekend. It’s not what this time of year is supposed to be about.
So I knew that no matter where I ended up, I would spend my Black Friday not doing a single thing that is even remotely Black Friday-esque. Which is why I will be nowhere near a store, shopping center, or anywhere where traffic is affected by any of those things. I will sleep in, I will relax, spend time with my family, and most importantly, get my hair done (which I have avoided on Nantucket, giving the expense and absence of my stylist/bff extraordinaire Ryan), since it’s the day before my tenth reunion.
We were told to pick out an outfit that you would wear shopping or lounging (in case online spending was more your style). Well, this is a mixture of both. This comfy sweater dress would keep me warm if I were crazy enough to be dashing into the mall from my car sans coat (because no one wants to schlep around a winter jacket during a marathon shopping session) and of course, a reusable tote to stash your purchases in. And since this is all imaginary, I dreamed that a $600 over-the-knee boot was totally appropriate footwear to spend the day traipsing around in, whether it’s down the length of the mall or on a relaxing holiday stroll.
There’s no Friday’s Fancies next week (because there are actually other’s out there who believe that you should enjoy the day!) so I hope you all have a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend and get to do exactly what you want that day, whether it’s enjoying your leftovers or standing in line for 80% off a blender.
~L
Guys, it’s happening. A mere two weeks from now, the Pinkerton Academy Class of 2003 will be gathering to celebrate our ten year reunion (along with probably every other class of ’03 in the continental U.S., it is the weekend of Thanksgiving after all).
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I was first approached about the idea of the reunion back in March when I got an email from Tim, one of our class liaisons (that’s right, because when you go to a school as large as Pinkerton, you need more than one person who agrees in their senior year that they will write updates for the alumni magazine for the rest of their lives, bless their hearts) asking me if I wanted to be involved in the planning of the reunion. My heart cried out “yes!” as I live for party planning, but my head reminded me that I just accepted a job a week before on Nantucket and would soon be moving even further away from Derry, N.H. than I already was.
I told Tim that while I would love to help, I wasn’t sure if it was practical to dive into such a responsibility when I was moving somewhere that required multiple methods of transportation just to return to the mainland. I got no response, until 24 hours letter a message popped up in my inbox that simply read, “I decided. You’re helping.”
So for months now, myself and the other members of our little committee have been putting together this shindig (thank you, Internet) that will take place on November 30 at the Thirsty Moose Taphouse in Portsmouth, N.H. As happy as I am to have been a part of the experience, there has been one thing that has been plaguing throughout the planning process:
What the hell are we supposed to wear to this thing?
Because I base everything that I am unsure of on things I’ve seen in movies, I originally pictured a gorgeous dress because I assumed that all reunions take place in fancy hotels. I should have known better, as we had our prom in the gym, but moving on. I immediately thought that I would probably just wear some version of this:
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But wouldn’t you know, you just can’t find any quality marabou trim anymore.
So I was left only with the minimal guidelines that I was given via an email thread sent out to the planning committee: dressy casual.
Can we talk about what that even means? The only parameters I was given was no jeans. Also, let’s remind ourselves that it is being held in a taphouse. What’s a girl to do?
So once again, I took to the Internet. I put an APB out on Twitter, contacted my most fashionable friends, reached out to my Boston Blogger cohorts, and stalked the Pinterest boards of super-stylish people to determine what the true definition of “dressy casual” is. It turns out… I still have no idea. There is still no concrete definition of what dressy casual is, just many people’s interpretations of it. I am by no means an authority on what everyone should and shouldn’t wear, I will leave that to the professionals and the gays. But I do love fashion as a form of self-expression, and when are you more concerned about how you’re presenting yourself than at your high school reunion?
So here are some inspiration pictures I put together of some fun ensembles that I would love to see anyone rocking when they roll up at the Thirsty Moose that Saturday. Some of these need some slight modifications to account for New England weather (I don’t see how anyone could ever forget the snow on Prom day), but overall I think there are definitely some great pieces that anyone can work into their look, no matter what your fashion comfort level may be.
True Colors
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I still don’t understand when people tell me that they are afraid of color. Are you also afraid of going outdoors?! Because color is everywhere, and it should be embraced. I’m slightly biased, as I recently left a job in which I was required to wear almost head to toe black and everyday, a little piece of my soul died. That is why I am the number one cheerleader of color and think that every person should have one shade that makes them feel amazing (and no, neutrals like tan, gray and black do not count). If you’re shy about it, you don’t have to pile on more than one bold pigment like in the middle photo and the one on the right. What I love about the picture on the left is that the rest of the outfit is relatively simple- you can never go wrong with black and white. But you gotta show a little personality somewhere, whether it’s a bright lip color or a jewel hued clutch. Start with a basic ensemble and accent it with one (or three, go on with your bad self) piece(s) that really pops for a standout moment.
Smells like Team Spirit
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I can’t ever resist a good theme. If you find yourself feeling fashionably uninspired, look no further than the PA’s classic colors. Not only is red, white and black one of my favorite color combinations (always chic, in my opinion), but you can never go wrong paying homage to the Astroman at a school function. The look on the left is super on trend with the leather mini, but a striped long-sleeved shirt is the “casual” to the skirt’s “dressy.” As with many of these skirted options, you might have to thrown on a pair of black tights, but this brightly hued coat will keep you warm on that sure to be chilly New Hampshire evening while making you easy to spot across the bar. Win win. If you don’t have a pair of red pants by now, you need to get off the computer and go get a pair now. I’m serious- you can finish reading this later. I am obsessed with my red pants, and I got them at TJ Maxx for $16 when I was weary of the longevity of the colored-pant trend. They can be worn in a multitude of color combos, like with this Dalmatian print top or later with a more nautical scheme (my other favorite). The girl on the right is definitely a little more formal, but again, with a pair of black patterned tights and some ankle booties, this look can be dressed down to be taphouse appropriate.
Crazy Pants
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Ladies, want to ensure you’re not totally overdressed? Wear pants. Pants are by default, a more casual look than a dress or a skirt. Now sure, you could go and throw on a pair of black trousers that have been kicking around in your closet since you got a job at Applebee’s, or you could live a little and mix it up with one of these fun patterns or bold hues. If the leopard is channeling Peg Bundy a little too much for you, go for a more attainable pattern like polka dots. And maybe the harem-style slacks in the middle aren’t your cup of tea, but the drapeyness takes away a bit of the formality (and it’s sort of like wearing socially acceptable pajamas, if you really think about it). The one thing that all these looks have in common is that everything else is super simple- when you break it down, these are neutral tops and a solid pair of heels. So don’t be afraid- WEAR THE PANTS and show them who’s boss.
Liquid Leather
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Another trend I’m super excited about right now is (p)leather leggings. Let’s be real. As much as I love clothes, I spend the good majority of my days off in leggings, and even when I am in real clothes, I spend 100% of my time thinking about how I’d rather be wearing leggings. Am I the only one? So when I got a pair of these, I was super excited because a) they are amazingly smooth and I couldn’t stop running my hands across them, and b) they are just like regular leggings, but are acceptable to wear to the bar. Target has some great hybrid pairs right now like the ones in the photo on the left- half shiny, half regular stretchy material. I love all the different ways you can dress these up- just look at the three different options here! A sequined moto jacket, a neon coat, or a white tuxedo blazer are all winners in my book. Just please ladies, follow the cues of the stylish women in these photos and wear a shirt or blazer that is long enough to cover your ass. I beg you. In fact, do this with all forms of stretchy pants. I don’t care how fat or thin you are, it just needs to happen. Let’s all raise our right hands and swear on our 500-page yearbooks, okay?
Sparkle Queens
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I don’t know if I can even express how in love I am with these looks. A little sparkle is always a good thing, and even more sparkle is like, the best thing ever. J. Crew has been all over this lately, which is perfect because I think it is the definition of dressy casual. What’s more dressy than a sequined skirt, and what’s more casual than a worn-in chambray? The knit hat can obviously go, we are going to be inside, after all. I like how both the outfits on the left and the right work in a colored shoe and a statement necklace. As for the middle photo, I get it- none of us are Blake Lively. She is an Amazonian-ly tall freak of nature that could probably do a high kick over my head. I chose this picture because I am all about dress shorts for events, especially in the colder months with a pair of tights underneath. I like how she balances out showing five feet of leg with a slightly over sized blazer and button down that have more of a men’s cut to them.
Sweet Tartan
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While I love that we were never forced to wear uniforms at Pinkerton, there is still a soft spot in my hard for a good plaid skirt. It’s like a little school girl, a little L.L. Bean, and a little early 90’s grunge. But wouldn’t you know, plaid is totally in right now, and like sequins, it’s all about working it in with a contradictory element. A plaid skirt could totally go all Baby, One More Time on you if you pair it with a boring button down, but a chambray shirt gives it a more casual feel (accented with a good pair of heels and a few baubles to keep it from going too woodsy). While Hermione’s look is a little more formal than what we are going for, I like how she paired it with a cropped leather jacket. If you’re thinking of wearing a dress to a reunion and it feels like you’re too done up, especially depending on your location, a cute biker jacket is a great way to take it down a level and make you feel a little less princess, a little more rock and roll.
The Jumpoff
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Hear me out on this one- I know a jumpsuit is like, WTF, as it is one piece and how are you supposed to go to the bathroom? But I think there is something so chic about this, and you could not ask for a ensemble that requires less effort than this. Think about it- there is only one thing you have to put on! No time spent trying to figure out which top and bottom go together, or whether you should wear a skirt instead. It’s easy breezy, put it on and you’re ready to go. Well, not without some fun jewelry, because as you can see, many of these jumpsuits are super simple. I bought a strapless black jumpsuit and every time I put it on, I feel like I am channeling Bianca Jagger at Studio 54, without the ridiculous drug use, of course. These short ones might be a bit scary if you’re new to the jumpsuit thing, because you have to have just the right shoe depending on where the bottom of your pant leg hits. I personally prefer the wide-leg version, as it makes you feel like you are floating across the room with every step. Just make sure they are hemmed correctly- I haven’t worn mine in forever because I took a horrible digger in them when a heel got caught in a seam of my pant leg. The things I’ll do for fashion.
Winter Whites
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Did you guys know we can wear white after Labor Day? Yeah- turns out it was just a rouse all those years by our mothers, who were sick of trying to wash stains out of our clothes. Now that doesn’t mean that you should wear your white linen beach cover up out and about in December, but it turns out, it’s not so much about the hue as it is about the fabric. Go ahead, wear white freely all year long, just take cues from your environment. You should not be traipsing around in January in a pair of strappy white sandals (as a matter of fact, you probably shouldn’t do that during any month, ever). However, it is socially acceptable to wear your white jeans with boots and a cardigan or stock up on sweater dresses in shades of cream and ivory. Or take a cue from this lady on the left and work it on a night out with a sparkly top. Add fun accents like leopard accessories and shiny gold jewelry.
As for my ideal reunion ensemble? I actually have no idea. In looking at these photos, I actually felt overwhelmed with options because I JUST WANT TO WEAR THEM ALL. And short of doing Academy Awards host-style costume change every hour (don’t tempt me), I need to narrow down my options a bit. But seriously, take these suggestions with a grain of salt. Be yourself. Show off your assets that make you feel amazing and downplay what makes you feel eehh. Really, just wear what you want. As long as it’s not jeans.
Oh and guys? I didn’t forget about you. But I can’t tell you how to dress, because half of you could care less and the other half are dressed by their significant others. Since you’re not supposed to wear jeans and it’s a little unnecessary for you to show up in a full suit (unless you are dying to, then hey, go for it), your options are slightly more limited. Here’s a little inspiration for you too:
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Yes, I understand. You are not a male model, and therefore will not look like this in clothes. That’s cool, because like I said, none of us are Blake Lively. So I guess we’re all even. But there are definitely some elements that you guys have to work with. Like the ladies, I encourage you not to be afraid of color. Did you know there are other shades of pants besides khaki? My husband has recently acquired a few primary color shades of pants (red, blue, yellow) and he gets compliments on them all the time. I’m serious- it’s hard to go places together because he sometimes appears to be better dressed. Add a pair of fun patterned socks women will think that you spent hours putting together your outfit. And I’m not saying you have to wear a scarf, but it will be almost December, and some sort of cardigan or sweater over a button down is like, the epitome of men’s winter style. Jackets aren’t necessary, but definitely gives off the vibe that you put a little more thought into it than the average Schmo. And finally, I get that it’s Movember, and you might be excited to show off your scruff that you may not have had in high school, but try giving the facial hair a quick trim before heading out for the evening, eh?
That’s all for now- see you at the reunion!
~L
This summer was a whirlwind, filled with hours upon hours of learning the ropes at my new job, exploring the island of Nantucket and all it has to offer, and finally getting to enjoy dinner at a normal hour with my husband. But there was one moment that really knocked the wind out me and frankly, it still makes me sad to think about it.
It’s crazy to think that, because technically this was a person I didn’t know. It happened far, far away from where I am. I guess that it doesn’t technically affect me in any way, but it still shocked me to my core.
One late Saturday night in July, I felt compelled to check Twitter at 1 A.M. Now I’m on Twitter, but I’m not like on it to the point that I usually check it upon going to bed and waking up in the morning. As Steve lay snoozing beside me, I started seeing tweets gradually appearing claiming that a young actor in Vancouver had died of a drug overdose. I was confused, because at that moment I couldn’t think of one celebrity who was Canadian (although I know there are plenty of them). After what seemed like forever, it was confirmed that it was Cory Monteith, the 31 year-old actor best known for playing Finn Hudson on one of my all-time favorite television series, Glee.
I was crushed. How did this happen? He had gone to rehab earlier in the year, but it wasn’t like he was Lindsay Lohan. No one really knew he had a problem. I tried to wake up Steve to tell him, and he just kind of moaned, “are you serious?” and fell back asleep. I took to the internet, hoping that someone, a fellow Gleek perhaps, would also be awake that I could commiserate with.
I stayed up for like another hour trying to gather any info I could. It felt so weird to not know this person, yet be so invested in their story and feeling like you should have seen signs of trouble. I mean, this was someone I have never met. Even now thinking about it, it seems silly to still be this upset. But for the past few years, Glee has been a huge part of my life. Like many others, it did feel like we were friends with the kids in New Directions, if not for anything than that they reminded you of people you were actually friends with in high school. For me, a lot of what happened on that show was my life in high school, minus the teen pregnancies and singing in the hallways.
To say I’ve been kind of obsessed with Glee since its debut four years ago is kind of an understatement. I’ve liveblogged entire episodes. I made Steve dress up with me for Halloween as Finn and Rachel:
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| when i went to work that day, he had no costume. i came home & he had made this. |
I also somehow coerced him into incorporating the theme to our holiday decor:
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| the “l” is for love. |
Which became our Christmas card that year:
And there were multiple season premiere parties:
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| worst picture ever, i know. gimme a break, it was my first television premiere. |
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| now that’s how you throw a party. a high school tv show-themed party. |
Which led to more photoshoots:
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| let’s remember, this was pre-miley sexually harassing a foam finger days. |
There was even one time that the Glee concert movie came out in 3D and we were convinced that we couldn’t watch it without the deluxe viewing package (that was a fun $30 charge to explain to Steve).
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| just when you thought it couldn’t get any cooler. |
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| what better way to celebrate your upcoming nuptials? |
But mostly it was just me, tuning into my favorite show every week, buying the cd’s and listening to them in my car every single day, defending it on the internet when people accused it of “jumping the shark” (and by people, I mean Steve). And now it was just like it had ended. Of course the show is continuing, but it will never be the same without Finn. At least, not for me.
So in honor of Glee’s tearjerking farewell episode tonight in honor of Finn Hudson (and Cory Monteith), I wanted to share a few of my favorite performances of his over the years.
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This was the moment that the show really shifted for me. Not in a bad way, but in a “this is what happens in real life after you graduate” kind of way. All the essential couples broke up, which resulted in one of the most touching group numbers in the show’s history. I find that this song can either be really beautiful or gut-wrenchingly sad, and in this episode, it was both. Most of it turned out to be in Finn’s imagination, but he really took the lead in this song at the beginning, and he was the one I found that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of during this performance.
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Now we think of Kurt and Finn as brothers, so it’s hard to remember back when the show first started what an awkward relationship they had. Besides the fact that Kurt was in love with Finn, their parents ended up dating and getting married, forcing them to share a room together and admit their feelings to each other. Kurt confessed his crush as Finn quickly rejected him and called him the f-word. Things were touchy until their parent’s wedding, when Finn had a major moment of self-growth and accepted Kurt as family. Yes, it was slightly weird when Finn sang to Kurt at the wedding- isn’t this song about a girl? Wasn’t Finn supposed to be singing to his mother? But it didn’t matter. It was adorable. Rachel swooned, we swooned, and all was right in the world.
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Let me just start out by saying that I am obsessed with the Madonna episode. It was one of the first “themed” episodes which has since been kind of driven into the ground. But then it was exciting, especially when the Queen of Pop was concerned. The thing I loved about this song is that it was definitely unexpected- of all of Madge’s hits over the years, how many people would even remember this song as being part of her expansive catalogue? After spending the majority of the episode treating the girls like crap, the guys of Glee realized the error of their ways in a five-part harmony around the piano. It was a really sweet rendition of a relatively unknown song, and little surprises like that were what made the show so special.
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It’s taken me a week to write this post. Partly because I’m still recovering from the too much champagne/not enough sleep whirlwind of a wedding weekend, but also because, like a child, I needed to chill the eff out before I could use my words to express how I feel.
Let me not be a huge bitch and start off by saying that the wedding was beautiful. I was lucky enough to be a bridesmaid in my husband’s sister’s wedding last Saturday, which has nothing to do with this rant. I was honored to be asked to support her as she (finally!) tied the knot with a wonderful man and everything about the whole weekend was fabulous.
However, due to being in said wedding, I was not in my usual viewing spot three hours prior to the 65th Annual Primetime Emmys on CBS on Sunday night. We wanted to have as much time with the family as possible, so we opted to take a later boat back to Nantucket that evening. Because we had taken our car over, we had to take a two hour boat ride instead of my usual one hour high-speed ferry that left Hyannis at 8 P.M., the exact moment the show started (don’t get me started on the three hours of preshow coverage I missed- we all make sacrifices).
The entire ride to the dock, I had been attempting to get any nugget of video that I could showcasing the stars arrivals. Normally, I am planted on my sofa, hanging out with my friends Guiliana, Kelly, and George (and if I’m lucky, Ross!), updating my social media platforms with my very honest thoughts about what the TV-lebrities are wearing on the red carpet. So I went to my E! Live from the Red Carpet app on my iPhone, as I thought I could trust them to relay to me all the usual up to date coverage. But no such luck. Well, sort of. While the app did show a stream of the red carpet, it looked so different than the normal show that I couldn’t get into it.
Biggest issues- it was hosted by Kristin Dos Santos (of Watch with Kristin on E!) and some guy I had NEVER seen before. Like not even Jason what’s his name or the blonde flamboyant gentleman that is BFF’s with G and sometimes take street polls on E! News. So I missed my usual peeps. The other issue was without the red carpet interviews (these two were in a studio what could have been miles away from the actual theater just talking about the people entering, not to them) and the commercials, the entire stream ran with this annoying techno music that I never realized is always playing during the live show, because there’s usually a lot of noise and people talking that drowns it out. Every three minutes, Steve would yell out, “are they at a club?!” and after a few segments, I couldn’t handle it. I left in search of greener pastures.
I tried every entertainment app I had ever downloaded in the history of my iPhone. My first inclination was that the actual licensed Emmy app would show it, but no dice. After trying PopSugar, Entertainment Weekly, People, Us Weekly, and Perez Hilton, I gave up. Some had photos (not super updated though- I need REAL TIME, people!), others had shotty live feeds that blurred in and out of focus (once again, I would like to quote my husband, who upon seeing video chats feels compelled to scream, “it’s 2013- we can put a man on the moon but WE CAN’T HANDLE VIDEO CONFERENCING,” to which I like to remind him that there’s been a man on the moon since the 1960s). I figured it better to focus my attention and battery life on the actual show once I got on the boat and could get on the wifi.
We arrived early and waited to drive our cars onto the boat. Steve offered to have me walk on the boat earlier to get settled, but I have this weird fear of the ramp breaking away and falling into the ocean (which may also explain my fear of bridges). I figured I would contain myself and just drive onto the boat with him like a normal human being, which was the last time I exhibited that behavior for the rest of the voyage.
The second the car was in park, I bolted to the seating area. I literally left Steve behind and was all like, “peace, suckaaah.”
There’s two boats you can take your car on, one you have to sit in the car the entire trip and the other has rows of seats and a snack bar and such. And TVs. We were on the latter. But despite running I wasn’t the first person on the boat, and there wasn’t a clear ideal seating area. There were a few burly guys already plunked in front of the flat screens, staring at the football game that I could only pray was about to end. To cover myself, I immediately pounced on the only Steamship Authority employee I could find (at the snack bar) and interrogated her about what a girl had to do to watch the Emmys in this joint. She blandly informed me that I had to speak to the “controller” who sat in a booth in the middle of the boat with a desk and a cot in it (which after seeing it, I can assure you is the WORST place to work or sleep). You can imagine my horror to find that the booth was empty.
I decided to be proactive and find my seat. I must have sat in at least five different spots before I found myself immediately in front of a flat screen that I could almost sort of here… right above my head.
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| are you there, emmys? it’s me, nph. |
Have you ever been late for a movie and forced to sit in the front row, but you already paid like $14 for your ticket and you just really wanted to be able to say that you had seen a movie in the theater since The Notebook? So you bear through it and stay, hoping your husband will massage out the crook in your neck later. I even made friends with the girl next to me (after all, there were a thousand seats available and I sat in the one directly next to her) and she seemed to understand my life’s purpose. I mean she also put on headphones and read a book, but she got it.
I had only missed a few minutes of Neil Patrick Harris’ opening montage when Steve found me. As we settled in, I positioned my iPad mini and phone to be at my maximum social media reporting. As I stared up at NPH’s beautiful dainty face, the unthinkable happened:
The channel changed… to football.
I would like to take this moment to say that I am not a particularly angry person. I have never been in a fight. I never scream or yell if I am upset. I have never hit anyone or anything out of frustration or anything resembling it. But in that moment, my blood boiled. If I was a mother whose child was in danger, this would have been my “lift a car” moment. I jumped out of my chair and went to hunt down this so called controller. I found him at his dreary desk and just burst out, “what happened to the Emmys? I was just watching them, and the channel changed. How can it be changed back”
He stared at me blankly, as if this was the first time he had ever had such a request. “Well, uh… four people asked that it be changed to football. So I changed it.”
Unacceptable. “Okay, well football has been on for the last six hours, and it’s not even the Patriots playing. They finished their game this afternoon. The Emmys are on once a year.”
“Well… didn’t you record it?” he responded, void of every emotion that normal humans are capable of.
What I think I meant to say was, no sir, I did not record it. While I am normally on my DVR like white on rice, I have had a busy week preparing to be a bridesmaid, which is a hectic and emotional experience. Not to mention I knew I would be returning at the exact moment the show started and assumed that one television set on a boat with at least six of them would be broadcasting the most important television event of the year. Also (and this is none of your damn business but let me enlighten you) I have a very demanding award show routine that requires constant updates in real time on all channels of social media, which I certainly cannot do watching a recording.
But instead, a trail of verbal diarrhea came out that very unintelligibly sounded like, “uh, I um, well, no… I was in a wedding… dress, bridesmaid, blugdsadhkfadshtr…” Because instead of feeding off my anger, I just get flustered and all the words in my head try to escape my mouth at the same moment.
I gathered myself and tried to think rationally. “Surely, you can put at least one television on the Emmys so the travelers outside of the four people that need to see this game have another option of something to watch.”
“Well, no,” he said. “All the tv’s need to be on the same station.”
All of them. ALL OF THEM. It’s twenty thirteen. Again, people in space, but ONE CHANNEL per six televisions. What is my $160 round-trip ticket going to?!
Because I can’t have the last word in a firm and powerful way, I choked back tears as I shuffled back to my seat. My former Emmy BFF was already asleep. So much for solidarity. Steve was staring at his phone trying not to make eye contact with me.
I collapsed in my seat, filled with the fire of a thousand suns. I had never been so angry in my entire life. And then immediately after, I was mad at myself for being angry, because I knew I was being irrational. But I didn’t care. I couldn’t stop the hatred I felt deep within my soul for this stupid sport that was rapidly ruining my life (or at least my evening).
I immediately flashed back to high school physical education class when the kids that played sports acted like they were God’s gift to the gymnasium because they could kick a ball or run a mile. I’m not saying that kids shouldn’t be active or take care of their bodies. I’m talking about the mindless drones that treat sports and professional athletes as if they are contributing something to society (you know, other than killing people and getting busted for steroids). l think football is the most is the most boring sport to watch, exacerbated by the fact that it is on for hours upon hours, consuming fall Sundays and clogging arteries with orange nacho cheese substances. I could care less about any of the coaches or the players, unless they are sleeping with a Kardashian, and even then, it barely seems worth it to learn their names. It doesn’t matter that it has been ten years since I was in high school, in that moment, all I could think about was that the jocks win and the theater kids lose.
For a moment I considered starting my own campaign of the non-meathead passengers to find five people interested in watching the Emmys to counteract the channel change request. After all, if it hadn’t been for the success of the early days of television, people wouldn’t even be able to watch sports on TV, so how about a little respect? While I sort of wished I had taken a stand, the adult in me reminded myself that while I felt alone in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, I would soon in fact return to an island in which I did not wish to be known as “that crazy award show girl” on the boat (I’ll stick with the internet, thank you very much).
Instead, I sprung into action, hoping that the wifi would prove to be my best asset under this fascist regime. I mean, that’s one of the reasons you get a tablet, right? Those people in the commercials are always streaming with such ease. Surely, I would soon be one of them.
Unfortunately, unlike the Hyline fast ferry, the wifi was spottier than Aaron Hernandez’s alibi (get it? Because of THE MURDER), to the point that I lost it entirely about halfway through the trip. Even in the brief moments I had it, I couldn’t find the show streaming anywhere, which really pissed me off even more, since there is an actual Emmys app. If you can’t get it there, what’s the point?!
One place you can get it is on your husband’s ancient HTC phone that just happened to be picking up 4G. He was able to find a random stream of the live broadcast (by Googling it, of all things) and propped it up in front of my now useless iPad for my enjoyment. It was just one of many times that I was reminded why I married him.
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| best seat in the house. or on a boat. |
I opted to take my tiny viewing to the level where our car was, as I couldn’t continue to breathe the same air as the traitors on the upper level much longer. Plus, I also forgot my headphones and couldn’t hear the telecast over the sounds of the six televisions. I caught about seven minutes of the show before we lost our connection, catching the end of Julia Louis-Dreyfus winning Best Actress in a Comedy for the 18th time.
And then, I cried.
I am completely serious. I just broke down and cried. Like actual tears. I shut the iPad, turned off the phone, curled up in a ball in the passenger seat and just cried. I cried out of frustration, anger, and the embarrassment of acting like like a child, but at the same time, not really feeling sorry about it.
Steve tried to comfort me, but I could tell he thought I was being a little ridiculous, and that it wasn’t actually worth shedding tears over. He later told me that he was so relieved when I gave up and fell asleep, because he had been fighting the drowsiness of his Dramamine in order to help me and he didn’t know how much longer he could last.
I tried not to think about all the conversations happening without me on Twitter and Facebook. I pushed out of my brain the thoughts of all the moments I missed, including the tribute to Cory Monteith that I knew was being presented. I ignored the urge to continue to check my nonfunctioning phone to catch a glimpse of any red carpet fashion that I no doubt would be a day behind on in comparison to the rest of the blogosphere. I just relented, gave into my own weariness from a sleep-deprived weekend and chalked it up that this would be one of those “life’s not fair” moments.
And yes, just to repeat so that I’m not the worst human being on the planet, I get that this is minor. It’s nothing compared to the hardships that so many people face on a daily basis. It’s not the worst thing that has happened to me this year (this month, maybe). This is one hundred percent a #firstworldproblem that most would barely bat an eye at. But for me, it’s more. Award season is my favorite time of year. Unlike sports games that are aired multiple times per week for months and months (and rerun on sports specific channels on repeat), this is a one night only scenario. It’s a time that makes me feel like I have found my calling, despite annoying everyone on my feed, and you know, not getting paid for it or anything. I don’t know how else to explain it. I felt like I was missing a chunk of my soul.
But I’ll get over it. Because like everyone says, it’s just TV. Nobody died (well, except for those poor “In Memoriam” people) and the sun still rose and set in the following days.
But I really do hate football.
-L
It’s no secret that Kate Spade is hands down my favorite designer. I don’t know how I went to being a girl from NH that literally had never heard of Kate Spade until they starting selling knockoffs at the Derry flea market, to a woman that not only loves the brand but owns more of it than I ever imagined I would have of any one designer. I imagine living in such close vicinity to the outlet may have had something to do with it. Since I clearly can’t afford most of these clothes and accessories (I would say 85% of the Kate Spade merchandise I own was a result of gifts), I spend a lot of time staring at pieces online and dreaming of how I would style them.
Knowing that this week was New York Fashion Week, I spent much of my boat ride back to the mainland on Friday fighting with the WiFi on the Hyline, frantically searching online galleries for pics from the Spring 2014 showcase. When I heard the theme involved Paris, garden parties, and travel, I died a little inside, knowing that many of the pieces would soon by on my wish list, and by that I mean, my mental list that I hold onto and hope in two years I can get it on clearance at the outlet.
The only thing that bums me out about the NYFW presentation is that you don’t get a good look at the smaller pieces, like bags and jewelry (which are my favorite things to look at from Kate Spade), because it’s more about the overall looks on the parade of models. Regardless, I was of course in love with the bright colors and the shapes of some of the dresses and skirts, which goes back to why I love Kate Spade in the first place- because it’s fun!
There’s something about Facebook that constantly reminds you of moments from your past that you either wanted to pretend never happened, or makes you depressed that they’re over and you’ll never experience them again. This weekend, I felt both of those feelings upon seeing a gazillion pictures of college students moving into their dorms. This week marks exactly ten years ago that I moved into a tiny room at Cazenovia College and began the first decade of my adult life (still working on that).
Two years ago, I accompanied Steve and his family as they moved his brother into St. Anselm’s in New Hampshire. On the drive up, I just kept thinking about how sweet it was to be a college student. You get to live next door to all of your friends and you spend a solid three hours a day in class, and the rest of the day doing whatever the hell you want. Immediately, I was a little sad that I was so far past that stage in my life that I was now closer to my thirtieth birthday than I was to those years.
And then, we got to the dorm.
Immediately, I was reminded of why this situation is (and should be) only temporary. There are people everywhere. Like you live in a 12 x 12 room with another human that you have never met and you share a shower with at least twenty other people. As we walked down the halls and observed an assortment of kids bumping rap music out of ridiculous speakers (let’s be real now guys, you’re at a Catholic school in New Hampshire, not the Bronx) and smelled all sorts of upleasantries (ugh, boys), I realized that you couldn’t pay me to go back there.
Most of all, I couldn’t help but think how different things were when I went to school versus kids that are starting now. I guess it’s only natural, it’s been a decade after all. But of course, I couldn’t help but reflect a little bit, especially now that I’m looking back as super successful mature adult (right?).
Then: You had to have a really deep, emotional goodbye with everyone because you will never ever see them again.
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| every piece of mail i received freshmen year. yes, i am that cool. |
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| via |
I mean, seriously. It’s a dorm, not a meditation room. And if you think there’s room for extra furniture in a dorm room, you are out of your freshman mind.
Then: You filled out your roommate survey and prayed that you wouldn’t be paired up with a murderer. You spoke on the phone exactly once, decided what each of you would contribute to the success of “the room,” and met for the first time on move-in day.
My first roommate was from Maine. I don’t even remember talking to her on the phone, but I do remember we met up with our families at Friendly’s the day before we moved in. I also remember meeting her and thinking we had absolutely nothing in common, which I thought was weird, because I so carefully filled out the information on my roommate survey. I did get along really well with her mom, and realized that she was the one I actually should have been living with, because in a shocking twist of events- she filled out the form! Needless to say, we did not stay roommates and lifelong friends (which, unlike my husband, basically never happens). But the great thing about college is once you get the swing of things, you actually make friends on your own and are able to choose who you would be compatible with (like an adult! Crazy).
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| my first chosen roommate kb- watts 216 fo life. |
Now: Okay, so I don’t know if that much has changed, because unless you are going to college with people you knew from high school, I’m pretty sure that they still randomly pair you up (no matter what you fill out on that stupid survey). At least now you can friend each other on Facebook and find out prior to living together whether or not they’re a psychopath.
I can’t tell you whether it is better or worse, easier or harder to start college in 2013 versus 2003. I can tell you that if you dwell on the negative stuff, it’s going to be awful no matter what. So relax. Use the Internet sparingly (unless it’s getting ideas for your really awesome dorm room, something I did not have the luxury of) and sign up for every activity that allows you to meet people in person. DO NOT go home every weekend. If you need to do that, save yourself the money and commute instead of forking over more than what you would pay for rent in the city, just to live in a room with no shower. And I know it’s impossible, but try, just try for me, please, to not do things that ten years from now, you will look at and be like wtf? After all, your shiz is already all over the Internet anyway. Think about how not to embarass your almost thirty year old self.
But just have fun. I know it’s super annoying and every adult tells you, “this is the best time in your life,” as they wistfully wipe away a tear, but seriously, they’re right. You will never be able to nap midday just because you feel like it, eat a bunch of horrible food and only gain fifteen pounds, or live within ten seconds of your closest friends. So just enjoy it.
But don’t be an idiot. I don’t want to see any more of you on the news.
~L
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