I guess I’m a little behind on this story, but I heard on the radio today about the latest viral video causing a ruckus on the interwebs. If you live under a rock or watch, you know, the news or something, you may not have seen the footage of former Clueless star Alicia Silverstone feeding her 10 month old son by pre-chewing his food baby bird style and then spitting it into his mouth.
So overnight this has become a pretty controversial topic. Cher (I mean, Alicia) has made no secret about the fact that she’s like a full on hippie. She used to basically assault people that were wearing fur. She had a “green” wedding, whatever that means. Give her a hacky sack and a vial of patchouli and her hippie fate is sealed.
I don’t know if I’m allowed to comment on the way people parent their children, as I am not a mother myself and maybe I just don’t get it. But as a person who has eyes this one just makes my stomach churn. First of all, all I can picture is that Bird Family skit on SNL with Julianna Margulies. Shudder. Second, when I first heard about this, I thought maybe she was out in public like eating at a restaurant or something and was “caught” on video. Still not okay, but less creepy than how this actually got out- she released it on her website as a baby feeding tip.
Seriously, Alicia?! We don’t hear from you for like over ten years, and this is how you decide to reappear on the scene? Also I know she hasn’t worked in quite some time, but I’m guessing she still has some Aerosmith money somewhere and can afford a food processor. I mean, I saw Baby Magic Bullets in Walmart just yesterday for $14.95. I get that if you were like, stranded on a deserted island with your baby and there weren’t any outlets to plug in your baby blender and you HAD to chew up his food for him to survive, that would be okay. This is just… gross. And weird. And I know that mothers will do anything for their children, but this seems like a very crazy extreme.
Listen, you’ve already kind of screwed this kid over from day one by giving him name that he can in no way introduce himself in a job interview or in any social situation without people snickering and asking where his horn is. She also stated on her site that while Little Bear used to be timid when it came to his secondhand lunch, he’s now totally adapted and just snatches food right out of her mouth whenever she’s eating! Isn’t that just darling? There’s nothing anyone loves more than a kid that likes to steal food right out of people’s mouths. Someday when he goes to elementary school kids are going to be begging him to steal their lunch money instead.
So I guess the bigger issue is the risk of transferring bacteria and ruining his baby teeth, but I think it’s more about the fact Bear Blu is going to become a huge social pariah and that Alicia I think has sufficiently squashed any hopes for Clueless 2: Rise of the Bettys.
This story has me totally ‘buggin.
Alright, so I finally got my act together to do a Boston Bloggers recap. Everyone and their mother that attended this first ever conference this past Saturday has already done theirs, and I already feel like I’m way behind. But this was too good an experience not to cover. So let’s start from the beginning, shall we?
You may have seen a few posts ago when I overanalyzed what I was going to wear to said conference. Lots of people weighed in on Facebook, but what was really exciting to me was that I got like 12 comments on the actual post, mainly because all of us that were attending were all reading up on who else was going to be there as well. I get lots of feedback from people when I see them in person or via the ‘Book, but I get very few actual comments on my blog posts themselves. And to a blogger, those comments are liquid gold. I got so many nice messages from people that I hadn’t even met yet, so I went into Saturday feeling really excited to put faces to the comments and tiny profile pictures.
Of course since I’m hardly a together person, by the time I woke up on Saturday I still had not selected a winning outfit. I thought about just wearing what outfit most people liked the best (which it seemed were outfits 9 and 12 according to the comments), but like blogging, I had to choose what I was going to wear (or write) to represent myself, and I kinda just had to act on what I was feeling that morning. I decided on the neon yellow polka dotted sweater with the pink skinny belt, because it just made me feel bright and happy and that was something I wanted people to know about me from the second that I walked in. Once again, my very very VERY nice husband also arose early (7:30 am!) to take my photo before I headed out. Please ignore the flats, I had my heels in my big girl purse. Also, on a scale of one to ten, how much do I look like I’m ready for the first day of school?!
present!
I arrived at the Google offices BEFORE 9:00 am, which is when breakfast/registration started, which just goes to show you that when you’re actually excited to wake up for something, it’s really not a big deal to rise so freaking early. I headed right to the table, and was excited to get my name badge, the attendee list and there was even a COAT CHECK. Granted, I had packed my hot pink Kate Spade Stevie (thank you, Uncle Peter!) with the intention of being a bag lady and having to carry my crap around all day, so this was a very welcome surprise. When I walked in, I was shocked to find that a few people knew who I was by the outfit I was wearing. And everyone was really polite about it and said they liked it instead and didn’t question my decision.
I decided ahead of time to bring a notebook and my little Canon Powershot instead of my Rebel T3i. I just didn’t want to have to lug around more stuff than I already had to. A bunch of people took notes on their iPads or laptops and shot what were probably amazing photos with their SLR’s, which made me regret my decision a little bit. However, my laptop is four and a half years old, so it’s definitely from the days before Apple made things that were svelte enough to fit in manila envelopes. But oh, the iPad. How I covet thee, if I didn’t already before.
see? neon is in
Amy and Alana did an amazing job organizing this event. So amazing that I didn’t even realize until I talked to Amy at the after party that this was the first time they had ever done an event like this. That’s them on the right at the “opening ceremonies” of Blog Better Boston.
heels & nametags: a winning combo
They had one of those things there to take your picture in front of, which I thoroughly enjoyed because it made me feel like I was at an Us Weekly party. Which let’s face it, is how I aspire to feel in life all the time.
if only we could stare at our phones all the time & not be perceived as bitches
So they had all these great panels and workshops and an airtight schedule that allowed for an appropriate amount of breaks, mingling and free food nabbing from Dunkins & Au Bon Pain. One of the things that they really encouraged us to do was to Tweet all day long, which as you can see on the picture on the right, people did furiously. I have barely used Twitter in the past unless I wanted to find out what Kim Kardashian ate for lunch that day, so this was kind of a foreign concept to me. Also foreign? Staring at your phone/laptop/iPad while people are standing in front of you, speaking for your benefit. That’s kind of the cool thing about this group- no one was offended not to be holding your full intention. Because it was a room of bloggers, everyone understood (and was probably flattered) that you were expressing to the world (i.e., your followers) what they were saying. Still, it kind of goes against everything you learn in school, from your parents and general good manners so it was a little weird for me to get used to.
um wait, who is that on the left?
That is, until they featured one of my Tweets on the big screen and I was totally okay with it, because again, anything that makes me feel slightly famous is okay by me. Luckily, many of the other bloggers I met were much nicer than me and I got to partake in one of my favorite past times: Collecting people’s very cool business cards. As I said in my last post, I had worked very hard on my own cards, and I’m really excited with how they came out. And I still have about 70 of them, so message me your address and I’ll send you a stack that you can wallpaper your home with, or else my friends and family are getting these as Christmas cards this year.
please don’t steal my identity, unless you want to inherit a wicked banana republic credit card bill
i’ll take some of those natural, voluminous curls, please
This is Amy, one of the co-organizers from Stylish Year. She was super nice and has gorgeous mermaid-esque hair and she introduced me to fancy technological things like Tweet Deck.
The after party at Think Tank was a blast, particularly because by now we had known each other for a whole day and Katy Rose gave us extra drink tickets. It went on even longer than planned, and I was a little bummed to leave but I had made some very special plans with my former roommate of 77 Hancock at our favorite Cambridge eatery:
lindsay & liz, chips & salsa: reunited
We drank margaritas and shoved our faces with Mexican amazingness, which was kind of the cherry on top of a perfect day.
I’m sad that it’s over now. It was kind of like going to camp and not wanting to part with all the new friends you made that summer. At least that is what I imagine happens because everything I know about summer camp is from The Parent Trap (the Lindsay Lohan version, clearly).
While I did not discover a long lost twin, I met a lot of other nice people who I immediately went home and stalked online. They are now all being followed (ON TWITTER, calm down) and have been added to my already extensive Google Reader. Carley, Sara, Germana, Jamie, Meaghan, Erin, and even Emily from middle school were all awesome and I’m excited to read more from them.
I took all these photos on Instagram, which I am obsessed with because it makes it look like I am artsy and totally lets people know that I’m cool enough to have an iPhone. Kidding, but I am obsessed. If you are an Instagram user too, follow me at linzphoto731 because I have very few friends on there (sad face) and I want to see how cool and artsy you are too.
Until we meet again, bloggers!
~L
It’s right here!
so zen
For those of you who don’t know, my husband is a cook. Although he works full time in the kitchen at his family’s restaurant (and has since age 13), he somehow still manages to come home and make really amazing food for me. So I decided to start a category on here called “Sh*t My Husband Cooks,” not because it’s tastes like you know what, but because I’m bitter I didn’t come up with all that “Sh*t _____ Says” stuff. I’m not implying that any of it tastes bad, it’s amazing and that’s why I need to share it with you.
I also have to point out that I am what you would call a picky eater. I mean it. I didn’t even try a bagel until I was 16 years old. I’ve been making a more conscious effort in the past few years to be more adventurous with my palate, which I think is largely in part because of my husband. In case you’re wondering how picky we’re talking, here’s a list of foods I do not care for:
Eggs (in any form)
Yogurt
Rice
Any kind of berries
Honey Mustard
Oatmeal
Coffee
Chicken Pot Pie
Baked Potatoes
All vegetables except for corn, green beans, and mushrooms (cooked only)
Potato Salad
Seafood Salad
Coleslaw
Okay, honestly, anything with mayonaise
All Thanksgiving foods (turkey, gravy, cranberry sauce and pie. I’m serious)
Tuna
Chowder
Casserole
Beer
Zucchini
Ranch Salad Dressing
Meatloaf
Muffins
Beans
Nuts
So you can imagine that when Steve and I met almost seven years ago, he was quite embarrassed to take me to restaurants. I recall ordering toasted raviolis on our first date. On our “real” first date, I ordered something fancier and proceeded to push around an unfamiliar orange side on my plate.
Me (in disgust/horror/fear): What is this orange stuff on my plate?
Steve (in disbelief): Orange stuff? You mean squash?! That’s squash.
Me: Ew.
Steve: You don’t know what squash looks like?!
Me: *silence*
And for some reason, he still paid for my dinner. And made me dinners. And also breakfast. And my lunch. YES, HE PACKS MY LUNCH BAG EVERYDAY. I am lucky. I understand.
So it’s only recently that I have started to let additional foods into my diet that I was afraid of before. Also, Steve has adopted a system that I imagine is what parents do with their children in that he makes food, and I have to eat it or else I don’t eat. I have learned that I actually like fish that doesn’t come in stick form and that real macaroni and cheese is really is good (although I will always love Kraft spirals, now and forever).
So tonight I was delighted to return home after working all day to the smell of Asian Ginger Beef slow cooking in our Crockpot. I know that there are people that are obsessed with Crockpots, and judging from the amount of effort required to make a meal with one, I’m guessing they were invented for people like me. However, I still have yet to do anything more with it than eat what comes out of it. Actually, I’ve had an adverse affect as I actually broke the lid on ours and now it only cooks if Steve shoves tiny bits of rolled up paper towel in the holes where the screws used to be. Lindsay: – 20 points.
Paper towel or not, this Asian Ginger Beef is awesome. As someone who never liked beef stew (shocking, I know) this is kind of meaty and stewy but I like it because he puts it over angel hair pasta. *Correction: My husband, who never reads my blogs even if they are about him, informed me when I woke up this morning that there were many inaccuracies in this post. One of which is that this dish is served over some fancy noodles called Udon. Apparently, all noodles are just regular pasta to me.* There’s even an ingredient in there that I had never heard of but TRIED ANYWAY- bok choy! I still don’t entirely understand what that is, but I would describe it as a tastier version of cooked lettuce (because let’s face it, that sounds TERRIBLE).
It’s so good that I had a slight incident the last time Steve made it. The whole point of making things in Crockpots is that you let them cook all day and you leave and go about your business and then you come home and it’s like oh by the way, I’ve been doing crap all day but I’ve also prepared you this lovely meal. That’s exactly what he did but I got home first. Since Steve wasn’t due home for an hour, I was dying of hunger and didn’t want to start snacking (I have a slight problem with snacking. The peanut butter cookie story will have to wait for another day).
So I decided to try some of the beef out of the Crockpot. I grabbed a fork and sampled a piece. It was cooked to perfection, and slivers of meat literally fell apart in my mouth. I put my fork in the sink and returned to the couch. But the Crockpot just sat there on the counter, making sizzling noises as if is was talking to me. To a normal person, it probably just sounded like “pssssssssssssssssssssssssssh,” but to the hungry hungry horrors happening inside me is was like “sizzle sizzle I’M DELICIOUS EAT MORE.” I felt like one of those people in the desert that see a mirage when they’re dying of thirst. Eventually, it was just me, standing over the Crockpot, with a fork in one hand and a paper towel in the other (you know, for drippage), singlehandedly consuming our dinner.
It was standing in this precise position that Steve walked in and caught me. In the moment, it seemed as if they only thing I could do was stand still and pretend that he hadn’t seen me. Unfortunately, he did, and from hereafter every time he prepares his Asian Ginger Beef, I get a very stern message warning me to NOT EAT ALL THE MEAT.
My favorite thing about this meal is that it still tastes amazing days later (if there’s any left). I am terrible at consuming leftovers unless they came from a restaurant because I think things just don’t taste good after they’ve been heated up. And unlike my husband, I don’t eat leftovers cold.
So this is now one of our favorite meals. And according to the Crockpot Cookbook, it’s super easy to make. So eventually, maybe I’ll be a nice wife and learn how to make it too.
~L
My blogger brain is on overload right now, because I am currently preparing for the Blog Better Boston conference on Saturday and I’m so excited/nervous/unhinged right now that I can barely function. I have spent the better part of this last month getting psyched up for this event, topped off by frantically completing every possible thing I could today since it was my last day off prior to the conference. Homemade blog business cards have been cut, my ticket is printed and I did an extra pore strip to ensure I look my best for Saturday.
Of course, none of this compares in importance to the most critical piece of this whole thing, what I will be wearing. I know, I know. Isn’t it more important to focus on what you’ll be learning at the conference? What workshops and panel discussions you will be a part of? The potential blogger friends you (hope to) make? Yes, of course, those are all things that I am very excited about. But ever since February when I purchased my ticket, my brain has been consumed with finding just the right ensemble to represent myself and Lindsay’s Look to the Boston blogging community. And dammit, you know all those fashion bloggers are going to be there looking something fierce. I’m no fashion blogger, but I like to think I can put together an outfit.
Only I can’t. Correction: I used to be able to and now I’m stuck. Isn’t that always the way? Every morning, when I get ready for work and pull out another all black ensemble, I woefully glance at all my “fun” clothes, i.e. everything else I own. There are patterns and textures and open toed shoes! When I glance around my very underused wardrobe, I put pieces together in my head and think about the next time I could have a chance to wear it. And like clockwork, the day I actually do have somewhere to go that is not work related, I can’t think of a damn thing to put on that isn’t… black. Because I literally forgot how to get dressed.
So I figured tonight I would go through my closets (yes, plural) and put together a couple things and then decide on the best option, assuming it would take about an hour. Cut to two and a half hours later, and all I have is messy room and a sleepy husband, who keeps reminding me that although I “can’t think of anything to wear,” I cannot “buy something” due to lack of inspiration.
I figured why not ask the source directly- what do you think I should wear? I have spent a large portion of my day going through my favorite fashion blog posts searching for inspiration. Fortunately for all of you, I coerced my husband to take pictures of my potential outfits during intermissions and timeouts during the Bruins game. Let the judging commence.
Sidenote: There is a reason I am NOT a fashion blogger. Okay, there are many reasons. One of which is that I always decide to take pictures of my outfits at 11:00 pm and I always take them inside (because it’s 11:00 pm, duh). In my tiny apartment, the area in front of the door is really the only suitable spot without furniture, tchoskys and black and gold memorabilia. And yes, there are always going to be shoes or some other form of unnecessary crap in the background. You’re lucky that Steve managed some trick photography to hide the trash that was to my right. Also, because it is so late when I finally get around to taking these pictures, I am never wearing makeup nor is my hair done as if I were actually to leave the house. As a result, I have the world’s darkest under eye circles you ever did see. So we’re going to focus on the clothes and not the scariness that is happening just north of my neck. I did my best in the editing phase to take out all of the qualities that would frighten a small child, but apparently the “Retouch” button on iPhoto is not the same thing as an “Instant Concealer” button that I had hoped for. Lastly, I was being so crazy about the clothes, there was really no time to pick out specific accessories for each look. As soon as I have a definite winner, I will definitely add some banging accessories, since they’re kind of my thing.
So without further adieu… I give you… some outfits. Be kind. But honest. But not too honest.
left: dress, ann taylor loft; belt: ny&co
right: skirt, forever 21; top: express
Anyone that knows me knows that I have a slight obsession with all thing nautical. If you need proof, take a look at my bedroom. Red, white and blue pieces are literally my favorite clothes to buy, because they never go out of style and they always look good together. I decided to add a pink neon belt to the polka dot skirt just to mix it up a little bit. I don’t always need to look like Uncle Sam, you know.
I should preface this by saying that the dress for the event is being described as “casual.” That doesn’t give me a whole lot to work with, but I would always rather be overdressed than underdressed, especially in a room full of bloggers. Also, my trusty iPhone weather is telling me that it’s going to be 60 degrees on Saturday. After being in the mid to late 70’s all week, of course it’s going to be cloudy and slightly chillier on Saturday. So some of these skirt ideas may not end up happening. But I love wearing dresses and skirts, so I couldn’t leave them out of the fashion montage I had going in on here a few hours ago (which fyi, seems MUCH simpler in movies).
left: pants, gap; top, ny&co; blazer, jc penney
right: jeans, forever 21; top, banana; sweater, gap
So these two looks are definitely embracing the “casual” concept a little more, especially the one on the right, because let’s face it- I’m wearing boat shoes. I really like the look on the left, but I’m thinking maybe it would look better with white skinny jeans instead of capris. Must… not… buy… anything…
left: jeans, forever 21; cardigan, ny&co; top, express
right: skirt, ?; cardigan, ny&co; top, banana
If there’s one things I’ve learned from all the fashion blogs I read daily, it’s that neon is in. But you can’t be crazy looking like an 80’s hooker or something, you have to be strategic and use your neon sparingly for maximum effectiveness. The look on the left is definitely my favorite of the two. I always forget I have this cardigan because I hardly ever get to wear it, but whenever I do, it makes me happy. I threw the pink belt on again to show that I don’t mess around. I can totally mix neons- what of it?! The look on the right looks like someone going to work, or what I imagine someone who has the freedom to choose what they want to wear to work looks like. Also I pretty much wear those black flats everyday and I was hoping to stay away from black as much as possible for Saturday.
left: pants, gap; top, old navy
right: jeans, forever 21; t shirt, j crew; jacket, forever 21
I know, more neon. I just can’t help it. Neon is fun to wear, and I’m fun and I feel like we just go together. Again, the look on the left I feel like I would prefer with white jeans instead of the capris, only because it’s still March and all. I can just hear my mom in the back of my head reminding me that it’s not even Easter yet. And yes, that is the same belt in neon yellow. What can I say?! The set of two was $6.99, and you know that I don’t like to spend too much on anything “trendy” because let’s face it- how long are we going to be sporting neon belts, exactly? Also, I know I said no black, but that jacket with the pearls is one of my favorite things in my wardrobe. I love dressing it up and dressing it down, which I did with this amazing neon tee that I’m also a little obsessed with (even if it does STAIN MY BRA every time I wear it- thanks J. Crew). I think this is a good look that says slightly professional but still fun, which in my head is what I am.
left: jeans, forever 21; top, limited; cardigan, ann taylor
right: jeans, forever 21; sweater, banana; jacket, banana
Along with “casual,” conference attendees were specifically told to wear comfortable shoes, because the reception afterwards is a bar that is walking distance but not like, next door. But holy hell, what a difference a heel makes. I’m wearing the exact same pair of jeans in both pictures, and yet I look ten pounds heavier in the picture on the right. It may seem like this cardigan with a belt is a go to thing for me, and well, it is. No matter what size you are (or what you appear to be- see photo on the right) if you accent your waist, you are always going to be showing off the smallest part of your body. I’m thinking I’m just going to bring one of my bag lady purses and throw a pair of flats in for the end of the day.
left: jeans, forever 21; top, old navy; blazer, banana
right: jeans, forever 21, top, banana; cardigan, ann taylor
I feel like all the fashion bloggers I like are always raving about leopard and stripes together. When I see it on them, I don’t get it. Then I tried it myself and I’m like omg, this is really fun! It’s like they were made for each other! Like me and belts, apparently, because there’s another one on the right. Oh, and my red-orange cardigan. I love that thing. It’s the perfect weight and an unexpected color. In this look I was also channeling my inner fashion blogger by trying to mix different colors that I never would have before. Thinking outside the box here, people.
So that’s what I put together for now. What do you think? Is there one that really stands out, or are they all duds? And yes, I have infinitely more clothes than this, but my brain literally could not handle one more outfit.
Despite this very stressful fitting I’ve subjected myself to, I’m so so SO excited for Blog Better Boston. I will be sure to come back with lots of exciting tips to hopefully help make this blog even more awesome. And hopefully, I’ll have a new blog friend or two. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll want to borrow my outfit.
A few weeks ago, my coworkers and I were delighted to discover that we are getting bonuses this year. With the elusive check scheduled to arrive any day now, my brain has been working double time to figure out what items I am going to treat myself with for working all year.
I know what you’re thinking. “Lindsay, isn’t it a huge waste to use your money on a bunch of little things that could potentially be out of style in six months to a year?”
Probably. But you know what? I don’t care.
And I’m not going to blow the entire thing in one fell swoop of the mall, Supermarket Sweep-style. I am definitely going to save the majority of it, which I was miraculously able to do last year and it paid for our trip to Canada for our anniversary. After all, we do need to someday live in a place with more than 690 square feet, or else I’m going to run out of places to put all the crap that I buy.
I may have mentioned before that I have a very strict allowance as of late. And by allowance, I mean I am forbidden to buy anything ever unless it is an absolute necessity, i.e. food or toilet paper.
I totally see where my husband is coming from giving me such constraints. I have a closet that is exploding with clothes- fun, pretty clothes that I almost never wear because my daily wardrobe requirement is black, black, some more black, and in case you didn’t have enough already, just a little bit more black. My “side” has somehow started to spread over into his side, and that’s not including all the spring/summer clothes that are neatly Space Bagged on the top shelf right now. But like an addict, there are just temptations EVERYWHERE. First of all, I work in a mall. So not only do I see many cute things on a regular basis, but I also walk by certain things everyday, so I see when they finally get marked down, which feels like winning the lottery to me. Also, ever since I got more involved in blogging, I have discovered blogs of many fashionable ladies that feature outfits that I think I should be wearing.
Aside from the additional fun things I want, I need some essentials stat. But since I have somehow started using expensive products such as shampoo, makeup, etc., when I run out of something, it’s hard to convince said husband that my bronzer that is now crumbling at the bottom of my makeup bag needs to be replaced, and it just so happens right now that I have a zillion things I need to restock.
My brain is spinning from all the things I’m coveting right now. So better to put it out there than keep it swirling around in my brain. Without further adieu, I give you:
My List of Stuff I Want to Buy But My Husband Won’t Let Me So I’m Waiting For My Bonus Wish List.
Essential Elegance Skirt $69.99 Mod Cloth
I’ve seen this skirt on multiple posts from Jessica at What I Wore and I think it is just darling. Like I said, I wear lots of black and I’m always looking for different pieces to break up the monotony of an A-line black skirt (which I currently have approximately five of). Also I love the vintage feel and the high waist. And on those days when you just don’t feel like getting dressed for work, how much more fun is it when you have a skirt to twirl in?
Xhilaration Challis Shorts $16.99 Target
Okay, I also only know of the existence of these shorts because of Jessica (what can I say? The girl just knows how to put it all together) but I’m obsessed with these for two reasons: 1. Vintage-looking. 2. Cheapness. Seriously, this is such a good deal for a cute piece like this! I’m already picturing wearing this over my sailor-style swimsuit with a scarf tied around my head. And as soon as I go on Pinterest, I will actually figure out how to do that.
Colour Surge Eye Shadow Duo in Buttered Bronze $19.50 Clinique
I guess you know you have a problem when the eyeshadow costs more than the clothes you want. But seriously, that bronze color is the best shadow I have ever used for contouring my eyes and I only discovered up because of those damn free gifts with purchase that I keep falling for. It was in a trio of a shadow for your whole eyelid, this color for the accent and then a dark brown with a teeny brush for lining. It was like, the most perfect shade and I used it every day. Then, one sad day, I opened my beloved compact and Buttered Bronze was completely shattered into a crumbly mess, staining all the belongings of my bag (luckily, I have about 30 more where that came from- thanks, Clinique). But the other two colors? TOTALLY FINE. I have tried every cheap bronze color in my Forever 21 eye shadow palate, and none of them are as perfect a shade as this. We will meet again, Buttered Bronze.
Picture This Camera Ring in Pewter $9.00 Threadsence
I just have to have this. There’s no way around it. Thanks to Jessica at My Style Vita for posting this for $10 Tuesdays. Good thing it’s temporarily sold out, or I would have nabbed this baby a month ago.
City Stretch Peplum Sleeveless Top $29.95 New York & Company
I think it’s safe to say after the Academy Awards that we all need a little peplum in our lives. This is going to be the next big thing, and apparently it’s everywhere all of a sudden, from jackets to dresses. Me? I just want a simple top like this because I’m always weary of things that are all of a sudden in style, which is why I still only own one pair of skinny jeans. However, after my recent snafu with a return at NY&Co, I don’t know that I will ever be allowed to buy anything there again. And I have so many coupons…
Polka Dot Tights $20.00 Express
Okay I know that Steve will never understand this, but this is why I HAVE TO BUY THINGS WHEN I SEE THEM. I have been coveting these polka dot tights ever since I saw Rachel from Pink Peonies wearing them with a fabulous hot pink skirt. Since she said they were from Express, I went over one day on my break to check them out. $20 seems like a bit steep for tights (because it seems like no matter how careful you are, they inevitably could rip) but I thought they were so fun, I promised myself I would get my hands on a pair when some extra funds came rolling in. While working on this post I went to the Express website and THEY’RE NOT EVEN ON THERE! Hopefully they’re still available in the store, or else I will cry. I mean, how often to polka dotted tights come around?!
Weightless Shine Conditioner $25.00 Sebastian
I know, I know. Conditioner is a necessity. But twenty something dollar conditioner is not a necessity. Of course you’re thinking, “Lindsay, why not just buy less expensive conditioner?!” Because that would be the sane thing to do. I have used Sebastian shampoo and conditioner for some time now, and it just works the best for me. And once you find something you like, you can’t go back to using drugstore stuff. You just can’t. Yes, my hair is now spoiled. Luckily, having a friend that is a hairdresser, I have been able to substitute miscellaneous samples that I have acquired over the years while I wait to buy the good stuff. Otherwise, it would be a sock bun kind of day, everyday.
Chambray Button Up $17.80 Forever 21
So I keep seeing Chambray shirts everywhere in every fashion blog I read, but everyone seems to be buying theirs from J. Crew. Thanks, but if I’m going to be spending $78 on a shirt, it sure as hell isn’t going to be made out of denim. Again, this is one of those things that I am perfectly content picking up for as little money as possible, as I have no idea how long this is going to be on trend for. I want to pair one with a brightly colored maxi skirt because I keep walking by it on a mannequin at Madewell and it makes me happy.
Patent Toe Ballet Flats $20.80 Forever 21
Isn’t it weird how certain things are all of a sudden in style and you’re like, “where did that come from why don’t I have it I need it now ahhhhh!?!” Just me? Okay, well cap toe shoes seem to be one of those things this year. I’ve been seeing all kinds, from flats to heels and even though they’re “in,” I think a neutral pair seem pretty classic, like you could wear them for years (that is, if the cheap ass ones I end up buying don’t fall apart). Payless also has a pair that was made by Dexter, so those could be infinitely more comfortable. Of course, if money was no object, I would clearly be lusting for this Kate Spade pair. I don’t think my entire shoe collection combined even reaches $225.
Vintage Inspired Swimsuit 50’s Style Pin Up White Bathing Suit $75.00 Unique Vintage
I don’t really want to talk about how many vintage bathing suits I have (sorry, vintage style, not actual old bathing suits. Ew). But I have been searching for a white one piece for YEARS, ever since I saw a picture of Jessica Simpson in a Michael Kors similar style one a long, long time ago. I always wanted a white one because it reminds me of old school like Marilyn Monroe style beach glamour. Then when I opened up my February issue of Elle, I was delighted to see my girl Lea Michele in my very dream bathing suit! Too bad it was $350. This one from Unique Vintage seems similar enough for a fraction of the price. Then I promise, no more bathing suits. This year.
Flocked Trout Stream Pillow $19.99 Target
I want to be one of those people that can mix patterns of things and have it look amazing. However, if you only have one pattern on your couch at the moment, you’re not really getting there. I have this great blanket with all these different color pale greens, periwinkles, light blues, and even tiny hints of orange that somehow blend perfectly together (it even has traces of brown, which is the color of my couch). Now I just need to find other patterned throw pillows in the same color family to add into the mix. Other than taking the blanket with me from store to store, I don’t know where to find inexpensive pillows that go. If I was crafty I suppose I would just buy fabric and make them. Luckily for my fingers, this pillow from Target totally goes, and compliments the pale green ones I have already. Now… where to find non-hideous orange pillows…
I’m sure from the time I wrote this until the time you read it, I will have come up with 27 more things that I want. After this little spree, it’s penny pincher time, so I’m going to savor the moment while I can.
~L
Lindsay Lohan is one of my favorite celebrity hot messes of all time (topped only by reformed mess, Miss Britney Spears), and by favorite, I mean I get sad when I look at her but at the same time want to know what she is doing always so that I can determine how hot a mess she really is. Also, she has my name. And she spells it correctly. So there’s that.
Like everyone else in the world, I was transfixed with LiLo when I saw her in such pop culture classics as Freaky Friday, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen, and of course, the most quotable movie EVER, Mean Girls. I mean, where would we be today without Mean Girls? Would there be a Rachel McAdams without Regina George? Well, McAdams would still exist by any standards, but would we (or Nicholas Sparks) care who she was? Could someone had made “fetch” happen? More importantly, would anyone below the age of twenty have ever heard the name Danny DeVito?
There are so many questions, but the one that seems to be asked the most is, “what the f*#k happened to her?” Lindsay has been on a downward spiral for so many years now, that people forget how not scandalous her original antics really were in comparison to the real life felon she is now. Remember when she was just hitting up a couple clubs before she was, oh a little less than 21? Like not even 18? What about when her most serious relationship was with Wilmer Velderamma, again, when she was not 18 (and he was like 35… or 26. whatever)? Or the time that she verbally assaulted a bunch of paparazzi, telling them that Paris Hilton threw a drink at her, and the next day she pretended like it never happened and said the photographers made it up and they were best friends?
Those were the good old days. She still had so much life and career ahead of her- she was in a movie with Meryl Streep, for chrissakes! Even though it seemed like she was something of a wild child, I really didn’t think anything of it. First of all, we didn’t really know a lot of the stuff she was doing, a lot of it was speculation. I just assumed she was being young and famous and rich. Then she got arrested. A lot. Then she was into girls, which is totally cool, except that they were like the Ike and Tina Turner of young club hopping lesbians and couldn’t keep their shit together. Then there were like, physical photos of her with coke in the background. Suddenly, it was all there. There was no denying what had happened to her. It was one thing when you heard that she was out partying all night, drinking out of a glass “something that appeared like” alcohol, it was another to see her crash her Mercedes into a tree. It’s like, whoomp, there it is.
And since she hasn’t been in a movie in what, four years?? It’s easy to kind of forget that she existed, other than seeing a headline about her inappropriate court attire show up on your Yahoo! home page. So you can imagine my surprise (along with the rest of the world’s) two weeks ago when I saw her listed as an upcoming host for the March 3 episode of Saturday Night Live. Let me preface this by saying that SNL is, and always will be, one of my all time favorite shows. I’ve been a viewer since I was probably thirteen and have pretty much seen every episode since, including the previous three that La Lohan hosted, one of which I saw IN PERSON when she dyed her hair blonde and got really skinny and there was that picture of her and Nicole Richie walking side by side like living shriveled corpses. Ah, the good old days.
After going through my initial reactions in my head (which were a series of expletives followed by a general wonderment), I couldn’t figure out what emotion accurately represented my feelings towards this decision from Lorne Michaels. I always knew that she had a good relationship with SNL, as it was the birthplace of her relationship with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, plus the fact that she was being chosen to host for the fourth time at age twenty-five is pretty impressive. It took John Goodman years to do that. Also, they have been one of the few media outlets (yes, I consider Weekend Update a reliable source of news, what of it?) that hasn’t taken a swipe at her failures over the past few years.
I settled in to watch her supposed comeback last night with a hefty Mediterranean calzone and my best sweats (by now you understand that I have classy sweats reserved for only the finest TV watching, and ghetto sweats that I wear when I watch I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant) after a particularly harrowing day at work. I started watching on my requisite 15 minute delay to avoid commercials. Immediately, I was giggling at the opening skit with Bill Hader playing Fox News’ Shepard Smith. I don’t know who this person is in real life (again, all the news I get is from SNL), but I am obsessed with Hader’s slightly gayish impressions of anyone. After the credits, it was time for the big event: the monologue. Entering the revered SNL stage in a muted blue sheath dress and completely non-matching multicolored blue platforms (it was the mullet of ensembles- business on top, party on the bottom), she received an enthusiastic welcome from Studio 8H. However, once she appeared in frame, my excitement began to wain…
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HER FACE?!
I know everyone’s been talking about her appearance for a long time. From her gigunda boobs that appeared overnight, to her freckles that have somehow been “disappearing,” nothing she has done to alter herself, either cosmetically or otherwise, has gone unnoticed. But come on, how can you now be frightened when this is staring back at you in high definition?!
once again kids: your face + drugs= this
I know that many people have been saying that’s she’s been staying out of trouble and that there has been no boozing or drugging going on (which shows you how out of touch I am with the culture- is drugging a thing? is that what we’re calling it?), seeing her live and in color on SNL made me doubt the validity of her sobriety, because you’d have to be jacked up on something to think that that looks good.
The thing I do appreciate about her is that at least on SNL, she has always been able to make fun of herself. I figured as much, as the promos they’ve been running all week were very similar to the one liners poking fun at her dalliances with the law during her monologue, in which multiple cast members appeared to be showing support but were in fact checking her for any illegal behavior. I was kind of thinking that once it was over, and we had gotten the “hey… she’s a convicted felon and a habitual user of drugs but we love her anyway and this is her comeback, by the way,” stench that hung in the air out of the way, it could just be a normal show. But it didn’t feel normal, because after a pre-taped Housewives spoof (more on that later) was the Psychic Awards sketch, where she was only required to stand in a gold sequined gown and speak minimally. I don’t remember a thing about it except that it ended rather abruptly but I was okay with it because I was just happy it was over.
After that was the “Scared Straight” sketch, which I remember being funny in the past (uh hello, Betty White as a reformed thug talking teenagers out of committing crimes? comedy gold!), but seemed to only be a vehicle in this episode for every prison rape joke that was ever invented by anyone, EVER. And this was the first time I began to doubt if Lohan had been able to physically past the SNL test (which in my mind is montage of tests of physical strength, mental agility and quick change exercises that every celebrity must go through to prove they are fit to host), as she couldn’t perform three words without staring down her cue cards with a focus so hard I thought they were going to catch on fire. The best part of the skit was at the very end when all the cast members started laughing, and she had already exited the stage, so we know it wasn’t because of her. Cue Debbie Downer noise.
Next up was Jack White, who I don’t particularly care about but was kind of fascinated that his band was composed entirely of women, horribly dressed women, but women nonetheless.
After the musical guest comes “Weekend Update,” which was specifically amazing last night for two reasons:
1. No Lohan.
2. James Carville.
Again, I don’t know who this is in real life. And it doesn’t matter, because that guy could flee the country and Bill Hader could spend the rest of his days living as James Carville and I think everyone would be okay with it. He is officially my second favorite Bill Hader “WI” impression after Stefan, of course.
Then our beloved Bobby Moniyhan-as-Snooki made an appearance, which made me smile as of course, and Snooki’s supposed guidette in the oven made for plenty of “Update” fodder last night. And then… I fell asleep.
I am not joking. I had a really long day and I’ve been fighting off the end of a cold that just won’t leave my body and I was not so mesmerized with Lindsay Lohan that I could fight off the sleepies that were beginning to attack me. And I will be totally honest: I am writing this post still having not watched the rest of it.
And why do I think that’s okay? Because this was not the “comeback.” This show did not do what everyone (or at least her people, and by people, I mean Dina) hoped it would do, because she just wasn’t ready. Sure, she’s sober (supposedly), but that spark and dry wit that she had before is gone. Well, maybe not gone gone, but it’s definitely on a ten second delay. There were times it seemed like she was stumbling every three words or so, and that’s when she was straight staring at the cue card. So even though I have the episode in its entirety saved on my DVR, I don’t even know that I feel like seeing the rest of it, because I know that she’s not going to get any better from here. And to be honest, her face is so terrifying (the CHEEKS! oh, the cheeks) that I found it so distracting that it didn’t really matter whether she was hilarious or not.
I just want her to… go away. Just for a little while longer. She’s like just barely off probation and she’s already casted herself as a young Elizabeth Taylor in her biopic (I’m saying this because I refused to believe anyone beyond the voices in her head have casted her as ANYTHING). She’s actually been doing well in court and then she goes and screws up her face like that. She’s just not ready to live among real people out in the world yet. And that’s okay. But I need her to make like Paris and just fall off the planet of for a little while. Except unlike Paris, I would welcome her back, because the believer in me thinks she could still do something great someday, and Paris I’m hoping is going to remain a blip in our society, merely a footnote on the “Year In Review” section in your yearbook.
So if you missed it, this was the crowning moment of SNL last night. It really has nothing to do with Lindsay specifically, she could have been cut from this sketch or played by another woman entirely and it still would have been hilarious, which goes to show how unnecessary it was to have her as a host right now.
Disclaimer: I was against this from the beginning. My blog is like an infant that I am trying to properly nurture to help it become a chubby screaming toddler. Okay, that’s a terrible analogy. But it’s still relatively new to me and it’s all me, all the time. So when my husband declared the he want to “guest” post on my blog, I have to admit I was skeptical. I read a lot of blogs though, and many feature guest posts from other bloggers. However, it’s not usually with the purpose of mocking them, which is what my husband tends to do when I watch awards shows. So without further ado, I bring you the first ever (and possibly last) guest post from my loving husband, Steve.
***Disclaimer from her loving husband: Please don’t hold my wonderful wife responsible for my terrible grammar, she was never allowed to read this ahead of time, otherwise this would have never been.
The TV volume is at 80 and the sounds of phone alerts are going off every two seconds… ah, there must be an award show on tonight. And as some of you may know, the night of an award show in this house is a very serious matter. Especially when it’s the Latin Grammy Awards… I mean the Oscars. Many of you have come accustomed to reading my wife Lindsay’s blog and following her Facebook and Twitter updates throughout these events, but I feel you all should know what goes on behind the scenes.
So I took it upon myself to blog about watching my wife… watch an award show. Sounds stupid right? It’s not at all, it’s ridiculous. I’ve had to study a lot of things in my young life, but I had to dig real deep in my anthropological education (cue the eye roll from the wife) to really grasp how she works. Everyone gets to see the final product, but it’s now time to see how it gets there. Now I know for a fact Lindsay is making the “I wish I read this before he posted it” face.
After an interesting time of, let’s say, “recreational drinking” on Saturday night and an early work day that morning, I was ready to take it easy. I truly thought I was going to be watching the final weigh-in of the Bassmaster Classic, but I should have known better. The channels were already programmed to pre-shows, recordings were set, and the remotes were well guarded by the Fraulein as if they were POWs trying to escape. I had no chance. You have to understand that while Lindsay takes these award shows very seriously and enjoys them thoroughly, I do not. She gets herself all ready to blog and post every time they are on and I make it my job to annoy the crap out of her. And if I do say so myself, and I will, I do a good job. It’s not that I like seeing her mad at me, I just can’t stand the garbage that happens at these shows. Yet here we are ready to watch what she calls the “Super Bowl” of the award show season, the North California Tony Awards… I mean Oscars! However, I cannot focus on the show because it’s my job to study the mastermind.
Yet before I get to the actual event at hand, I just want to voice my opinion/tear into some of the junk that goes on before the show even starts. So at 4:30 (4:30, really why so early – the show ain’t on for like twelve more hours), while Lindsay is prepping for what seems like brain surgery on the couch, with one of the many pre-shows is on in the background. Anyway, while taking my focus off whatever it was I was doing at the time, I notice a guy and a woman talking about underwear while models roam around behind them like lost bulimics in a mall food court. Where do I even start? First off, what the hell does underwear have to do with the South American Emmys, I mean, the Oscars? Who gives a crap about what you can’t see? I mean I can pretty much guarantee that most of these women are not wearing any of this garbage under their dresses, especially that winged BS. To be honest, if it was me, I wouldn’t even bother with underwear. More importantly, notice they didn’t mention what dudes are wearing. That is not because they don’t want to show guys modeling boxers or briefs or a nice silver thong. It’s because they all know that men go commando at these things, so why bother even talking about it.
More importantly, nothing says women’s underwear like an extremely gay man. Now I love me a good gay, but listening to Ross Matthews’ casual comments about what these models are wearing makes me more uncomfortable than I know he was feeling. If you listen closely, you could hear him throw up a little bit in his mouth.
Victoria’s Secret P.R. woman: “Oh yes notice how this thongs hugs her backside so there are no panty lines.”
Ross: “Oh yes, well… that’s… VOMIT.”
I mean, who are we kidding? Not the right segment for my man Ross. I am pretty sure they tricked him into doing this, and on his schedule it said something like he’d be talking about handsome actors’ tuxedo inseams.
So about an hour or so later after taking a brief hiatus from the excitement in the living room, I came back from the other side of our enormous 690 sq. ft apartment (we need a bigger place, by the way). When I refocused on what my ever so focused wife was watching, I was upset to see the thing I probably despise the most about all these award shows, The Fashion Police. Better known as SHUT YOUR MOUTH and other things I will not say. Skhsdj@ #@(($k lJSk fkdbbi rooweke, is what comes to mind every time these idiots talk. Who cares, WHO CARES!!! I know my wife does and obviously a lot of you people, but honestly, what they do is garbage. They are just sitting there under a tent talking about people WHO ARE NOT EVEN THERE YET!
I have to start with the dude, George Kotsiopoulos. I really have nothing on him besides the fact he bends over backwards to blow smoke up the asses of his female clothes Nazis and the celebrities they judge. He is basically there as an accent wall for the otherwise bland female room. He seems nice and he is Greek like one half of me, so I can’t kill him. You really can’t screw up a tuxedo anyways unless you’re an idiot, but shut up nonetheless.
On to Giuliana Rancid? Rampid? Rancic? Wasn’t her maiden name like Fettuccini? Or Alfredo? Some kind of Italian sauce? (Relax, I am half Italian.) Regardless, she was posting judgment on people while she sits there in a dress that looks like the sun is rising out of her crotch and there is crumpled up/torn toilet paper on her shoulders. It looked like crap, and she has the fortitude to change into an even worse dress, where there is now a poor wingless bird out there because she needed them for her shoulders! Even writing this is making me furious.
Kelly Osbourne, my dear, those in glass houses shouldn’t burn bridges… you heard me. You cannot honestly judge anyone when your dress has what looks like broken pieces of glass randomly glued on it, and your hair is the color of the water in a hot tub after a college house party. Everyone just shut up… shut up, just shut up.
You all might think that I am just doing what they do to people all that time by making fun of them, and it makes me no better than they are. Well you are wrong, because I honestly don’t give a crap who is wearing what, when they wore it, how they wore it and who copied who. It’s no one’s business no matter how bad they look. Just look in the mirror every now and then is what I am saying. I am just giving them what they deserve… from a guy whose main wardrobe is made up of t-shirts and jeans. But jokes on you – they are Levis 527 bootcut jeans, very classy, oh and burlap is so in now, watch for it.
Now onto the main attraction, the lady on the couch, who is poised and ready for strike if a single noise is made that isn’t coming from the TV. During these shows I am always being yelled at to be quiet, even if I am just trying to do dishes or you know, breath air. And every time I get yelled at, the volume on the TV seems to go up by 10 – too bad she starts somewhere above 70 and it only goes to 100. Hell, I even get yelled at when I am watching my own shows that the volume is too LOW. Shows that she constantly says she hates, but she still wants the volume up. Why would she want to hear Swamp People or Gold Rush louder than 25? Because I definitely don’t want to hear Teen Mom at 72 or hear the Kardashians at all, let alone see them.
Anyways, while perched at the dinner table, which happens to be the perfect location to study my wife, it all starts to unfold like it has so many times before. And when I say perfect location, I mean only location unless I want to stand in the hallway. We may have a very large sectional, enough for 5 or 6 people, but Lindsay somehow finds away to take over every inch of it with paper, magazines, computer cords, like 30 blankets and possibly a miner’s helmet.
It boggles my mind how focused she gets while the show was on. Simultaneously working her computer, phone, using the remote and taking notes about who won what. I’m watching my wife working over this award show like a scientist trying to cure an illness, except the illness happens to be ugly dresses and anger when someone won that she didn’t pick. What everyone else doesn’t get to see and hear is Lindsay talking to the TV, while talking to herself, also talking to me, and occasionally talking to her computer and phone. And no, not talking on the phone, talking to it like a waitress taking her order. I’m sure there are hospitals for things like this but I’ll let her go a few more times til she starts doing it while I am trying to watch hockey.
It’s comical watching how she functions though. Those of you that are friends with her on Facebook know that she has the ability to take over your news feed with her status updates, fill the Twittersphere with her tweets and update her Live Journal with depressing statements. Obviously that’s a joke come on now, she has a Dead Journal.
So every time something happens during the show she will immediately scream “I knew it!” or “That’s impossible!” or “Babe, shut up!” and that’s when the real show begins. She will first jump on her computer and comment on God knows what, because I am never on Facebook to read any of it and then move onto Twitter to hashtag something.
Immediately following her typing her phone starts flipping out with responses and texts from other people. She is responding to them with the phone in one hand, the other hand retyping something else on the computer and a pen between her toes marking down award winners/taking notes on how handsome some of the guys are. And to be honest I could act and dress real nice, but I chose not to and make dinner for her every night. So be careful what you wish for Lindsay, you could go hungry.
Here is Lindsay doing our taxes… oh wait she is actually re investing her 401k my fault. Who are we kidding there is no chance of any of that happening.
After about 2 hours of watching her watch… I totally forgot what she is even watching… it finally hits me. Where the hell is all this focus and effort in other aspects of our married life? I applaud her for her ability to keep her followers interested in the show, but little lady put the phone down and help me out here. I mean if she put this kind of effort into say, cleaning or doing the dishes, or dare I say, cooking, I would be an extremely happy man. Actually never mind, don’t try cooking – we only have one fire extinguisher in here. There is a lot of misdirected energy in this apartment, mostly towards the TV and cheese sticks in the fridge. We are going to have to work on that.
Honestly, this is what I have to deal with. Replace the food with a fax machine and she’s a paralegal.
Obviously she dresses in her best tuxedo t-shirt for the show, But I like to think she is working on a formula for NASA on a more effective way to re-enter the atmosphere. By the way, the statue is to throw at me.
Also I didn’t know there was such a large gambling ring that happens during the Canadian Country Music Awards, sh*t Oscars, my apologies. Lindsay is spread out over the coffee table and couch with all these papers like a teacher grading tests. Apparently, she had bet large amounts of money, like 4-5 bucks worth in a pool at work for the awards. Seriously, that’s where our money is going. All that I could manage out of all the chatting and scribbling that was going on was that she apparently was picking the right winners and some girl named Jaimie was doing terrible. And I get dirty looks when I go to Foxwoods. HELLO! You are running an illegal gambling ring on our couch. I am surprised you’re not selling knock-off Oscar statues out of your trunk!
Like every good gambler you have to work two different colored markers. Shame.
The only thing I can compare how my wife manages her whole situation is to that of a general manager of a professional sports team. With the phone constantly on the go, her hands in everything and the look of “job on the line” stress, how could she not be one. I’m waiting for the swears to start being flung and her to scream, “THE DEAL’S OFF!” and toss the phone, only to loosen her tie and pour a glass of scotch. But luckily, she leaves the scotch drinking to me.
So as the show starts to wind down her stress level goes up, whether it’s the threat of losing our life savings due to her gambling problem, or the fact that it’s the last show of the season, I am not sure. But every minute that passes brings out a side of my wife that I wish you could all see in person.
Yet as the last award is given out a strange occurrence happens after her excitement and loudness settles down. Like a bipolar person coming back to reality, she all of a sudden acts like the normal Lindsay I am used to and gives me the “what’s the matter?” look. As if the last five+ hours never happened. I think that all the radiation from her damn iPhone give her lapses in memory. Do you not remember what the hell just went on in here? So now I am left with a tired girl on the couch and having to clean up the tornado I call Lindsay. My excitement cannot be contained.
I hope that this gave everyone a decent look into how “Lindsay Look’s” and that I didn’t go too hard on her. After all, I still have to live with her for I think the rest of my life, I forget what the contract actually says. I tried my best to capture the artist at work during only the most important awards, the Central American Hoarder Awards… nope that’s what I am going with. As much as she makes me crazy sometimes, I do love her and am happy that she enjoys doing this and that you all enjoy reading.
So until next time, or when I am allowed to sleep in the bed again,
S
Sometimes, the gods just smile upon you and deliver you a story that makes the clouds part and the heavens open up and you just bask in the perfectness of it all. And sometimes, you’re even home sick so that when you hear such news, you are in the perfect position to comment on said story as soon as possible.
SNOOKI IS PREGNANT.
Okay, so the be clear, I’m still not 100% confirmed on this. I first heard wind of this story this morning on my daily visit to Suri’s Burn Book (which, if you haven’t checked it out is an amazing blog that I’m so bitter I didn’t think of first). But it said it was on Page Six, so I was like, eh, nothing to get excited over. Then this afternoon, I was dozing off after catching up on my DVR RHOC & PR All Stars (if you don’t understand all those acronyms, we probably shouldn’t be friends) and was awoken by a text from Alisa stating:
Snooki is pregnant. The world is ending. Totally legit- it’s on people.com.
It was as if I had just chugged three Red Bulls and chased them with a Four Loko. Instantly I was scouring the Internet, looking for clues if it was true. Nothing on Perez, Us Weekly or Entertainment Weekly. But low and behold, there is was on People.com, but only quoting an article from the NY Post. And it wasn’t even the top story! The order went like this:
– George Clooney doesn’t care if people think he’s gay (probably because he’s always banging hot chicks)
– Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck name their son (Samuel, little surprised they didn’t go for Matt Damon Affleck)
– Something about Revenge (I KNOW! I’m the only person IN THE WORLD that doesn’t watch it, stop judging me)
– Davy Jones died (wow- only number 4?! that suuuuucks)
– Elizabeth Olsen dating Alexander Skakaaaarrssgaaard (who cares)
– Jennifer Lopez nipples (again?)
– THEN Snooki!
So that made me think that it also might not be true yet. Also, I follow Snooki on Twitter (again, judge free zone, please) and there has been no mention of said meatball baby, and this chick has a hard time keeping stuff to herself. They’re saying she’s three months along, but she was on GMA on February 2 saying that she is absolutely not pregnant, and people don’t ever lie on TV so clearly she’s telling the truth (I’m looking at you, Tori Spelling).
So whether or not this is true, I just had to imagine all the possibilities as if this was actually happening. First of all, WTF? Thanks universe, for allowing the one person to procreate that has single-handedly contributed to the downfall of society.
I’m just kidding. My life would be incomplete without Jersey Shore.
But seriously, what does this mean for a one Nicole Polizzi? First of all, she’s a moron. And morons and babies don’t mix. However, there are lots of stupid people in the world and clearly plenty of babies, so somehow they have managed to survive. Second, she is famous for getting drunk and falling down and just generally being a hot mess. She’s only 25, she could definitely have milked that for at least a few more years (as she was planning on doing with her spinoff with J Woww). Thinking about Snooki being the way she is and saying the things she says… it’s just kind of sad if you think that another person has to rely on her for anything, especially nutrition or emotional stability.
At the same time though, this could be a freaking GOLD MINE for her. I’m picture a whole new kind of spinoff. Decorating a nursery with only the finest leopard and zebra print. Deena and J Woww trying to throw a baby shower. Mike weaseling his way into the baptism just so he can be referred to as “The Godfather.” There are so many places that this could go.
And how awesome would it be if that kid was actually Vinny’s?!
The Academy Awards are so huge, it clearly warrants two posts. You can read my original Oscar wrap up here. But we’re here to talk about something more important that who won what or who shamelessly flashed their right leg. That’s right, it’s time for… FASHION! Prepare yourself.
As usual, I found myself either underwhelmed or perplexed by the majority of the gowns. Every award show basically is leading up to this point, and you have to save the best for last. I get that you want to dress to impress, but I still don’t understand why anyone would choose to wear something boring or weird to such a prestigious show.
That being said, these were my absolute favorites:
l to r: michelle williams, tina fey, milla jovovich, emma stone
These four ladies to me personified what the evening is all about. The all look classy and respectful without being too safe. Each of them took some sort of fabulous risk in their own way. I am normally not the biggest fan of Michelle Williams (unless you count her days as Jen on Dawson’s Creek) because I think she dresses like a 90 year old, but I absolutely loved this Louis Vuitton coral number. I am always so annoyed that more stars don’t go for color, and to me, anything in the red family will never be out of style for an award show. Also, clearly she got the memo about peplum, which I’ve been seeing all over the blogosphere lately as the next big thing. The only thing I do not adore about this look is the pink clutch. I just don’t get it. TIna Fey also got the memo about the peplum trend. While her dress itself is a little plain, I think it’s a big step for her not to wear black, and I practically got up and applauded when I saw her working this high bun. High buns are my favorite. I’m also still confused why Milla Jovovich is at the Oscars, but she looked so damn good I’m willing to ignore the fact that she was in a bunch of sci fi movies that I don’t care about. To me, her entire ensemble is the epitome of what an Academy Awards look should be. When you think “Oscar,” you think Hollywood glamour, and what better way to honor that than with a throwback to old Hollywood? The hair and makeup is perfection, and her gown sparkles just enough that she doesn’t look like a Vegas showgirl. It probably also helps that she used to be a model and knows how to pose like a pro. And last but not least, Emma Stone, who I think the entire world fell a little more in love with last night. I appreciate her wearing red, especially with her hair color. I love the large neck bow because I think you need to be a little dramatic with at least one thing you’re wearing at a time. A lot of people are criticizing her for wearing something so similar to Nicole Kidman a few years back, but I love it and I think she looks a zillion times better than Nicole ever did. Especially since she can still move her forehead.
l to r: berenice bejo, missi pyle, kelly ripa
Another trend that has been predicted to take off is the color mint. There were a few variations of mint on the carpet, and I can’t decide if I love any of them yet. I hate Berenice Bejo’s gown with the color of her hair. That is just a clashfest I can’t look past. I think Missi Pyle actually looks really good, but I her droopy shoulder makes me sad. One shoulder was also a huge trend on the red carpet, but if you’re going to do it, I think it should be deliberate. It just looks like it wasn’t tight enough and fell down. But a fun fact: her dress is eco-friendly. I don’t remember exactly how- once she started talking about organic silkworms she sort of lost me, but cool concept. Kelly Ripa looked cute because she is perpetually adorable, but the double bands around the waist didn’t do anything for me. I think it breaks up an otherwise very clean and classy dress. It reminds me of something that Tim Gunn would see on Project Runway before going into a speech about the importance of editing.
l to r: meryl streep, jennifer lopez, stacy kiebler
I am half okay, half not okay with what Meryl Streep is wearing. I think the color and texture of the dress are amazing, and it’s like, you’re going to the Oscars- why not dress up like the freaking statue?! I can’t say that I wouldn’t do the same thing. But I think there are too many folds and draping going on. I do like the sleeves on her, and it’s a much better alternative compared to almost everything she has worn this season, but I think she needs a little bit of structure. It just looks like the fabric is melting off her, and I’m afraid if a strong gust of wind came along her dress would unravel and we would end up seeing her Iron Lady. Jennifer Lopez… well. I just don’t know. Clearly she is gorgeous and her hair is AMAZING, but come on. She wears a different variation of this dress all the time. Also, I’m tired of almost seeing one of her boobs. Her stylist claims they made it impossible for her to have a wardrobe malfunction, but I maintain that when she was on stage I could see the makings of a nipple peeking out of that dress. When she wore that green dress to the Grammys all those years ago and everyone freaked out, that was daring. Now I’m just like listen, go home, put Max and Emme to bed and COVER UP A LITTLE BIT. We’ve seen this schtick before. Stacy Kiebler was the lucky girl chosen to hang on George Clooney’s arm, and like all the others before her, suddenly she has become some kind of fashionista. Again, I think the color of this dress is totally appropriate if her goal was to look like a statue. And of course, her waist is teeny tiny so she can wear anything. But I absolutely HATE that rosette on her hip. Why do skinny girls keep doing this to themselves? It’s like that one extra hip that Natalie Portman had at the Golden Globes. Like, did she look in the mirror and say, “hmm, this looks really good on me, but don’t you think it would look even better if I added a little bulk around my hips?” NO WOMAN SAYS THAT. EVER. I guess it doesn’t really matter, because a week from now she’ll disappear and we will never hear her name again.
l to r: octavia spencer, viola davis, jessica chastain, penelope cruz
I feel like at every award show there are always at least a few dresses that I just don’t care about. Or maybe I might care, but I’m not sure. I just can’t make the commitment to say, “yes, I like this.” Octavia Spencer was a shoe in for her Best Supporting Actress award, so clearly it was important to wow because she knew she would be photographed everywhere. But I wasn’t wowed by this, mainly because I felt the color and cut were too similar to what she wore to the SAG awards. This is not a bad dress by any means, but I was just kind of bored with it. Viola Davis definitely wasn’t boring in her GREEN dress, which I appreciate, because again, color, but if she was going to go with a gown this strong in color, couldn’t she have done something about her hair? I’m not dissing her by any means for going au natural and arriving sans wig (which I never knew she wore), but the coppery color of her cropped ‘do makes her look a little like a leprechaun. Also between the boobs and the ruffles at the bottom, I felt like I didn’t know quite where I was supposed to look. When I saw Jessica Chastain, I immediately thought that was a Versace black and gold number and could even see Donatella wearing that in my head (okay, Maya Rudolph as Donatella, but whatever), but I was surprised to find out it was Alexander McQueen. I think I might like it but I also think it looks like she’s wearing one of Donald Trumps curtains. And Penelope Cruz surprised me that she was even there, because I have to admit I really never wanted to see her on the red carpet again after she showed up last year in that Charo number. I think she looks pretty, definitely old glamour, but a little stuffy for her. I think something need to be loosened up a bit.
l to r: giuliana rancic, nancy o’dell, louise roe, maria menounos
How would we know anything about these looks if these ladies weren’t asking the tough questions, like, “who are you wearing?” I personally love Giuliana Rancic, mainly because I want her to be my friend and then elect me someday to take over her job, and also because we are scoliosis twins (did you know she also has a rod in her back from surgery when she was a teen? TWINSIES!). She was originally wearing a similar dress during the pre pre pre show but it had these weird lines going up and down that looked like they were made out of zippers and pointing right at her boobs. I much preferred this number, although it was a little pageanty, I thought it looked like her shoulders were channeling the White Swan which I sort of loved. I wish her hair was slightly less severe, because she’s very thin and angular already, and I wanted a little more volume to soften her up a bit. Nancy O’Dell’s dress kind of hurts my eyes. I think I would love it if that black lace thing wasn’t at the top, because that yellow is something fierce. The top is just ugh, it’s like a grandma and a flamenco dancer all rolled into one. Louise Roe is British, which might explain the school marm feel of these sleeves, but I thought the origami pleats were amazing. Also, she seems like one of very few people that can pull off this kind of dull pink without looking like a pile of Silly Putty. Maria Menounos is rocking that kind of minty color again, but I’m so distracted by the amount of pleats I feel like I sort of can’t see her anymore. The hair is good though, very good.
l to r: gwyneth palthrow, cameron diaz, shailene woodley, natalie portman
Ugh, Gwyneth Palthrow. Why does she have to ruin perfectly good outfits? I know that capes are in this year, but whatever is hanging off the back of her shoulders is not okay, which is terrible because she looks amazing otherwise. Oh wait, never mind. I just noticed her hair. A ponytail?! You choose to wear a ponytail, and not even a good ponytail like what Reese had last year, but a ponytail that is half way down your back like it just fell out a little more with every step you took. I don’t exactly know why, but I hate what Cameron Diaz is wearing. She once wore one of my all time favorite award show gowns and then she shows up looking like this? I am just not following. Shailene Woodley has established by now that while she is a very talented young actress, she cannot dress herself. This dress looks like it was made for a woman 50 years her senior. If she wore her bun on the sides she would have looked like Princess Leia. SHE’S TWENTY. Also, once she started talking to Ryan Seacrest about becoming an “herbalist,” she totally lost me. Natalie Portman physically looked stunning. I thought her hair, makeup, jewels- everything was working for her. But let’s be real. You wore polka dots to the Oscars. This is not a Bat Mitzvah, or even a Sweet 16. It just seemed so inappropriate to me.
l to r: wendy mclendon-covey, rose byrne, melissa mccarthy, ellie kemper, kristen wiig, maya rudolph
The cast of Bridesmaids seems like a group of chicks that you want to hang out with. Do I want to raid any of their closets? Eh, not so much. I thought that Wendy McLendon-Covey looked like she was going to a prom, Rose Byrne needed a sandwich, Melissa McCarthy looked like the rust that forms around your shower drain, Ellie Kemper was channeling Katniss as the “girl who was on fire” (but wouldn’t actually survive in the Hunger Games with her bangs hanging in her face like that), and Kristen Wiig once again wore that paper bag color that does the opposite of match her personality. The only one I really liked was Maya Rudolph. I thought the purple was unexpected as no one else was really wearing that color, and she sparkled in all the right places. And who would have guessed that she was styled by none other than Brad Goreski?!
l to r: angelina jolie, rooney mara
Weird. I didn’t think anyone from Twilight was going to be invited this year.
Finally, we’re here.
It’s my favorite time of the year. It’s like the excitement of my birthday and Christmas all rolled up into a nice little package with a big bow on it. It’s like the Superbowl for women and gays worldwide.
Of course, I could only be talking about the Oscars.
I have been a fan of award shows for a long time now, probably since I was in early high school or so. I don’t think I became obsessed with them though until I was in college, and I’m pretty sure there’s 2 reasons for that:
1. Reese Witherspoon winning for Walk the Line
2. The invention of Facebook
After that, I was hooked. For life. While I find myself generally enamored with all things awards, the Oscars clearly are the biggest and most extravagant of them all, giving a whole new level of excitement to my usual daily celebrity infatuation. However, as much as I love this show, I only really enjoy it if I’m watching it by myself. I have been asked for years why I haven’t ever had an Oscar party, and the truth is that while I like a good theme, I love the freedom to watch the show as selfishly as possible. Also I need absolute concentration in order to keep up my barrage of Facebook/Twitter updates.
I’ve been prepping for this all week. From organizing the pool at work to giving myself a glitzy mani in honor of the occasion, I was beyond ready when 8:30 EST rolled around.
i’d like to thank the academy… and opi
I even put on my very best casual wear. I mean, how hypocritical can you be to watch the most fashionable night of the year in ordinary sweats?
this shirt says “i’m fancy but comfortable”
My husband now finally understands the magnitude of such an occasion that he even made me an Oscar-worthy dinner. Suck on that, Wolfgang.
also he let me eat on the couch. now that’s love.
Of course I started with the E! preshow around 2:00, suffering through such time fillers as an undergarment fashion show, a parading of Hollywood’s “It” animal actors and Photoshopping actor’s heads on runway looks trying to predict who was going to wear what. My main motivation for tuning in is that I love me some Ross Matthews.
At long last it was time for the actual preshow, you know, the one where there’s like, actual celebrities on it. Of course the moment that everyone is talking about is when The Dictator’s Sacha Baron Cohen poured the “ashes” of his good friend Kim Jong Il onto an unsuspecting Ryan Seacrest. Now I know that many found this to be in poor taste, but after my initial gasp, I sort of loved it because a.) I have always thought that Seacrest is a tool and b.) it was one of the very few spontaneous moments of an otherwise stuffy celebrity lovefest.
how could anyone not have seen this one coming?
While Seacrest clearly didn’t get the joke, it was refreshing to see that there are still some people in Hollywood that know how to roll with the punches.
team fey, now and always
The red carpet was filled with it’s usual mix of the biggest celebrities of all time and a couple of attendees that made you go “huh?” (Bo Derek? Lea Thompson? Sheila E? Seems like someone got a little loose with the invites this year!)
The biggest couple that everyone was waiting to see were clearly the Jolie-Pitt’s. However, since they showed up at the last possible second there was almost no footage of them on the red carpet, which I think truly shows what huge assholes they both are. I get that they’re not like a super showy couple and they’re all about being appreciated for their “work” and protecting their privacy, but come on. Even if they avoided cameras every day the rest of the year, this should be the one day that they give back to the public a little bit, you know, the people that watch your movies?! Clearly Angie was trying to overcompensate for her complete inability to appear soft or likeable, as she had a smile like the Cheshire cat plastered on her red shellacked lips the entire night. They probably could have sent their wax figures from Madame Tussaud’s in their place and we wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference.
ugh that damn leg. we’ll get to that later
Finally it was time for the show to start. In his usual fashion, host Billy Crystal started with a montage that involved him being a part of the Best Picture nominees. Deja vu? Absolutely, but at least he stuck with what works. That led into a song and dance number. Predictable, but you could have had a that monkey from the preshow up there and it would have been more entertaining that James Franco from last year.
Crystal continued his tried and true bits of witty (but not nasty) banter and the “What Are These Celebrities Thinking?” screenshots. While I felt like this was a show I had already seen (a few times), there’s not denying that Crystal was clearly in his element. Was it the most exciting thing in the world? No, but I sort of looked at the whole thing with a “if it’s not broke, don’t fix it” attitude. That being said, I think it was important for him to steer the show back on track after last year’s disaster, but it has the potential to get tired if they try to replicate this recipe every year from now on.
There were of course, a few magical moments. The Best In Show cast Wizard of Oz focus group. Octavia Spencer’s emotional acceptance speech. Emma Stone pluckily towering over Ben Stiller. Anytime anyone from Bridesmaids was on screen ever. Even those freaks from Cirque de Soleil were kind of a fun addition to a telecast that otherwise would have had little to no performances on account of the lack of Original Song nominations.
The show was still highly predictable as always, but with a few twists here and there. The only award that I would consider an “upset” (as Hugo and The Artist winning a bazillion awards apiece came as a surprise to no one) was Meryl Streep winning for Best Actress over her former costar Viola Davis. I have to admit, I was sort of starting to doze off at this point (it was a LONG day and I was starting to feel a sinus infection coming on) and this shocked me right out of my semi slumber. Obviously, Streep is amazing in everything she does and already has 2 Oscars and 17 nominations to her name, but sometimes it’s just like, isn’t that enough? She is going to continue to make amazing movies probably until the day she dies, but the thing that made me kind of sad is that roles like Davis’ in The Help only come along once in a great while. Despite the fact that it’s two thousand freaking twelve, strong parts for African American actresses really are few and far between. And she had won so many awards for the role already and many critics had her picked as the favorite to win, and I was just slightly disappointed. And by slightly, I mean I gasped and jumped off of my couch in fury.
Another moment that started out as my least favorite and quickly turned into my most favorite was Angelina Jolie’s continued pose off with herself that she carried all the way from the red carpet up to the theatre-formally-known-as-Kodak’s stage. She just stood there, throwing in everyone’s faces how long her legs were, how big her lips were, how thin her arms were, and continued that fake ass smiling the whole way through. I didn’t know how much more of her I could take. She looked like an evil Barbie. Also, when did velvet come back? Honestly.
someone’s been watching antm
And then all of a sudden, one of those moments happened when you just look up at the Hollywood gods and say “thank you.” After announcing them for winning Best Adapted Screenplay for The Descendants, Jim Rash stole the show from his fellow writing partners without even saying a word. If you don’t know who he his, clearly you are not watching Community which probably means that there is a huge void in your life and you should stop reading right now and Hulu it, because it will change your life. Well, your TV life, anyway.
this is me smizing, bitches
All in all, I enjoyed the show. It was pretty much what I expected, but it’s still always exciting to me. And my favorite part? Mercifully mocking the show and its guests via Facebook statuses. Why? Who knows. Because it’s fun. Also because I’m awful sometimes.
Since only my very lucky Facebook friends are so honored to see said statuses, here’s a couple of screenshots of some of my favorites posts from last night. Enjoy.
Next up? The fashions. And the un-fashions. Yes, we’re saying that now.
Get Snappy
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