Posted on May 29, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

As if I needed another reason to ogle red, white and blue items, today is Memorial Day. Now obviously Memorial Day is about more than just sporting nautical colors, but it gave me the perfect excuse for another themed Mall Madness Monday post.

The mall is chocked full of all kinds of deliciously patriotic duds. And I of course have a sixth sense for spotting them.

j crew

sigh. i may have mentioned i want red pants. did i mention i love red pants? i need red pants.

tory burch via nordstrom

this display makes me wish i had three feet.

j crew

oh.my.god. people keep telling me i should have a baby, and after seeing this, i’m starting to think they’re right.

j crew

this is a little ridiculous in person. but that’s part of the reason i love it. also i’ve always wanted the one behind it too.

m.a.c.

oh geez. i was alerted of this new makeup collection last night. i obviously want everything. however- slightly deceiving, as most of the nautical flair is in the packaging, not the makeup itself.

kate spade via nordstrom

i’ve slowly started to allow yellow into my nautical wardrobe. i like this because it reminds me of one of those flags.

madewell

this is clearly a bra made for a fourteen year old. but it and it’s matching undies are totes adorbs.

j crew

it’s like j crew knew that i had no extra money this summer, and put out all this anchor stuff just to toy with my emotions.

kate spade via nordstrom

i know, this doesn’t seem like anything special on the hanger. but it’s kate spade, it’s on clearance, and i’m thinking with some proper styling it could be very kate middleton canada debut, no?

I Got My Rock Jewels

Posted on May 28, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

Remember when I went to the Blog Better Boston conference and had an amazing time and met lots of cool people? Well I also got a pretty sweet swag bag. Granted, there was stuff in it like maple champagne mustard that I didn’t care for but Steve happily accepted on my behalf, but there was also a super secret gift card for a jewelry website that I had never heard of. It was super secret because it was just a tiny pink square that in no way resembled a gift card.

So I was super excited when I got home and after some sleuth detective work that it was worth $50!!! Most of you know by now that my entire jewelry collection doesn’t equal $50, so this was a big deal for me. However, this is high quality stuff- we’re not talking $3 rings here. So I had to be selective.

I spent quite a long time scouring the In Pink website for the perfect pieces. I think I literally looked at every single bracelet, ring, necklace and earrings until I couldn’t see straight. As a girl who has been specifically asked repeatedly to not buy another piece jewelry, the task of choosing something for totally free was almost more pressure than I could take.

I am super into gold jewelry right now, so I knew I was leaning towards something chunky and fabulous. I tried to branch out into bracelets, but earrings and rings are kind of my thing, which is how I ended up with my official choices.

I would also like to point out that shopping for jewelry online is way more difficult than I thought (I know, #firstworldproblems in the highest degree). I clearly have self-diagnosed myself as an addictive shopper, so I get a rush from the thrill of holding something in my hands and figuring out the fastest way to the the cash register, then scheming as to how I’m going to smuggle it into my apartment later, sans husband catching me. Also it’s really hard to tell on the web whether or not something is going to look cheap cheap or ghetto fabulous.

So I was crazy excited when my package finally showed! I say finally because I feel like I was waiting forever because it didn’t arrive super fast, but it was also free shipping so I am really not allowed to complain.

Like so many other women, I can be won over really easily with impressive packaging. I almost fainted when I opened the carton and this beauty was waiting for me inside:

additional jewels are always welcome.

As I carefully unwrapped my baubles, I wondered if they would look as fabulous in person as I had built them up in my head.

And they did!

hello, girls.

I finally settled on the Turquoise Stone Open Circle Earrings and the Turquoise Faceted Stone Hammered Gold Stretch Ring. See I’m also kind of obsessed with turquoise right now, but there is so much hideous turquoise out there that you really have to be selective. I personally prefer the lighter version compared to the tealish variety, which is why I was drawn to these pieces.

no robin’s eggs were harmed in the making of these earrings.

While I was almost positive I would love my earrings when I chose them from In Pink’s expansive website, I was slightly more skeptical about the ring.

eeeeeek.

If only because it featured a stretchy band, which is one of my least favorite accessory features. I’ve always thought that it looked cheap. It almost made me pass on the ring, but I decided that since I wasn’t paying anything for it and I loved the stone so much, I would give it a go.

unintentional matching nails

And you know what? I’m glad I took a chance. I still don’t love the stretchy band, but no one ever sees it and I’ve gotten compliments on this ring each and every time I’ve worn it, which has been a lot.

The earrings are amazing too. They’re quickly becoming one of my new staples:

turquoise earrings: the perfect compliment to a white, white neck.

So thank you to BBBos for the swanky swag bag and to In Pink for sponsoring the event. And no, I’m not benefitting in any way from writing this, but if anyone wants to throw any other free accessories my way, I’m totally willing to negotiate.

We Don’t Need No Gleeduation

Posted on May 24, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

this pretty much came true exactly. well, not for me, because i’m dead inside.

Last night was the season finale of the third season of Glee, probably one of my favorite series of all time. The past two seasons have been kind of up and down as far as story lines go, but I am no fair-weather fan. So I prepared myself for yet another emotional television viewing this week, as I already broke down in tears when the cast said goodbye to Kristen Wiig on SNL. Finale week is tough.

I made plans to watch the episode with my friend Jaimie. We left work and headed straight to her apartment to prepare ourselves for such an event. Unfortunately we were not as prepared as we were the past two season premieres in which a party was thrown in honor of our favorite returning show. So instead we ordered panini’s and painted our nails, which is clearly the most appropriate pre-finale viewing protocol.

My favorite thing to do for any major television event is to devote all of my Facebook statuses to it for that particular evening. I think it’s the least I can do for all these programs have done for me, plus I’m still going through award season withdrawal. Some people may find this annoying, but frankly, I don’t care. Everyone else and their mother uses FB for whatever the hell they feel like, when they feel like. I don’t really care if you’re annoyed that your feed is filled. I can tell you right now I have plenty of people’s feeds hidden that are boring/overly political/anything that I don’t feel like looking at, and anyone I’m friends with is free to do the same to me.

Yes, I understand that Twitter is the more appropriate place for sudden and frequent updates, but the majority of the people I watch Glee “with” (yes, sometimes it really does feel like we’re all together) aren’t on Twitter. Also, just an FYI- for every person I’ve had commenting “ugggh you take up my whole feed” I have at least four other people tell me that they specifically go on FB on Tuesdays at 8:00 pm to join in on the commentary. If I have to sift through 20,000 statuses about people’s bathing habits (“In the shower! text or call!”), the wonders of their children (“Little Susie made a noise today! She’s so smart!”), their lunch (“Just made a turkey and avocado sandwich on a whole wheat pita with sour cream & onion chips- YUM!”), and other mundane happenings in their everyday lives, then I think you can handle the 31 status updates that I posted between 9:00 and 10:00 pm on a Tuesday night. Now don’t get me wrong- I post status updates about my fair share of insignificant things. But it’s usually making a sarcastic remark about said insignificant thing or mocking myself for other’s amusement. Bottom line: it’s the Internet. People can use it for whatever they damn well feel like using it for. Unless it’s like kiddie porn or something else way wrong and illegal.

That was my soapbox moment. I digress.

So of course, it was an emotional evening. The seniors were graduating (well, except for Brittany, but who even knew she was actually still enrolled at that school) and it really felt like saying goodbye to people that you were actually friends with. I also feel like part of the reason I’m emotionally attached to this series is because I was a high school theatre geek myself, and watching the New Directions say goodbye to each other reminded me how heartbreaking it was to part ways with these people that you spent so much time with.

Of course I couldn’t actually deal with my real feelings, so I chose instead to make a mockery of all the usual ridiculous moments that Glee offers us on a weekly basis.

So without further adieu… I give you my statuses from last night. In case you haven’t had enough.

MMM: The Finer Things

Posted on May 22, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

I’m sure you’ve been anxiously waiting for a Mall Madness Monday post, considering last weekend any mention of shopping/spending money/lusting after things I clearly don’t need was waived in honor of Steve’s birthday.

But now that that’s over, let’s get back to the stuff. We love stuff.

christian dior via nordstrom

okay, clearly i will never own these shoes in my lifetime. my shoe collection for the next twenty years will most likely not equal half of what they cost (which is $660, in case you are wondering), but lately my favorite thing to do on break is to make the trek to the “fancy” wing of the mall, get a snickerdoodle from nordstrom’s ebar and look at ridiculously expensive shoes while i try not to get crumbs on myself.

crate & barrel

why someone didn’t think of stackable wine glasses sooner, i don’t know. all i know is it’s hard to stack regular wine glasses, so this is a lifesaver. especially after all the wine.

banana republic

okay, so the main thing i like about these wedges is that when they’re all lined up next to each other, there is a sweet nautical effect. but i also think these look really comfortable, which based on the wedges i’ve had in the past, the strap are always unfortunately… not.

forever 21

i just love the effect of all these pointy bangles stacked together. also i’m a fan of any jewelry that double as a form of weaponry.

sam edelman via nordstrom

these are also from my cookie/shoe fetish lunch hour tour, but a good fraction of the price of the pink dior’s. still, way more money than i can spend on shoes. and yes, they are also spiky. i don’t know what it is, but slightly dangerous accessories are just calling to me lately.

banana republic

i know it’s hard to get the full effect because a.) it’s a wrap dress on a hanger and not a person, and b.) stupid instagram can only take square photos, which is not easy when you’re trying to showcase a head to toe look. but just so you can get the full idea, this dress has all my favorite elements: nautical stripes, gold buttons, clearance. yep- this find was only $40 and i passed. because i’m learning a thing called self control. and also i left my $10 reward at home.

papyrus

the mall is filled with inspirational items perfect for every generic graduation gift you will give this summer. however as a person who graduated college five ish years ago, this one really stuck out to me because it’s true. the world is no longer your oyster, kids. it’s tough and sometimes it sucks. you can take it for what it is or continue to try to be so good that no one can ignore you. i haven’t achieved this yet, but i’m working on it. five years later.

anthropologie

if cinderella were a modern hipster, this is what i imagine she’d use to check up on herself after the birds and other woodland creatures prepare her for the day.

They Say It’s Your Birthday!

Posted on May 15, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

Today, my husband turned 27.

Without being mean, I have to say that that sounds super old. Also I should point out that I will be turning 27 in July myself, so I can say that. When I was younger I always imagined that 27 was the age I would have my shi*t together. Like it just seems so much more of an “adult” age than 26.

But regardless, Steve is pretty amazing as far as husbands go. So in honor of the anniversary of his birth, I decided to compile a list of the “27 Most Awesome Things About My Husband.” These are in no particular order, so don’t get all upset that the schmultzy stuff is mixed in with things that have to do with television and other very important elements in a relationship.

He cleans up very well. Not that he’s not handsome all the time, but the man looks good in a suit.
In college he would always wake up early on snow days and go out and brush off my car. He still does this and often helps other women in the parking lot that are struggling. Either he’s super-chivalrous or he’s found a new way to prey on vulnerable women.
He literally keeps me alive, because he makes my lunch and dinner everyday. Sometimes breakfast too. And all of it tastes good.
He is the best housewife a girl could ask for. Way better than I’ll ever be. In addition to cooking, he is a whiz at laundry. He gets my whites whiter then they have ever been before. He also hates when I tell people that, but I’m so in awe that I can’t help it so I tell everybody.
He has had the same group of friends since middle and high school. The camaraderie between this group of guys is amazing and creepy at the same time. Seriously – they should be studied.
He is an excellent male nurse and takes really good care of me when I’m sick. Sometimes he even brings me flowers, but I think he just does that to distract me from the nasty Theraflu he’s always trying to get me to drink.
He’s very polite. He opens doors for ladies and always helps people in the parking lot when they need to jump start their cars. Even if those same people continue to hit our cars with their doors.
He wears striped polo shirts and boat shoes like no other.
He deleted the Stanley Cup championship games off our DVR before we went on a trip to make room for all my recordings. That is love.
He’s very smart. Every time I question the location of a country he always knows where it is. Although he also writes down what I said because supposedly he is working on a “Lindsay” map that is a more accurate portrayal of where I think things are.
He’s gotten me to try food that I never would have looked at before. Although I’m still iffy on the whole squash thing.
He remembers things I say I want to the point that I forget about it, so he always gives very thoughtful birthday and Christmas gifts.
He can name every city that held the Olympics for the past 50+ years. I know because I quizzed him on them once we lost use of the radio driving to Quebec.
He writes very thoughtful cards (and thank you notes!). He always buys me one serious card and one funny one.
He calls me pet names like “Little Lady” and “Tiger Lily.” But he balances out the cuteness by sometimes also calling me “Frumpy” or “Crumby.”
Family is the most important thing to him. That’s just nice.
He is an old soul, which apparently is a nicer way of saying “old man trapped in a young person’s body.” He was visibly upset when he found out PanAm was cancelled, because it “reminded him of the life he should have had.” Whatever that means.
He tells me that I’m going to be a good mother someday, even though there are many many times that I’m not so sure.
He let me use one of his socks for my sock bun. And by “let,” I mean he didn’t know I was taking it and was really mad when he found out I cut the toe off a perfectly good sock that still had a match.
He makes award-winning chili. Which I wouldn’t know, because I haven’t actually eaten it.
When I get really stressed out, he writes “calm down” on all of my to do lists.
He has gotten me semi-interested in and actually able to converse about a sport. My father almost died from shock when I was able to name the Bruins players that were injured this season.
He makes cookies and cupcakes and other treats for me to bring to work. Once I volunteered him for a charity bake sale and I left the cookies he made at our apartment. He drove all the way to my work to (angrily) bring them to me.
He is a very snazzy dancer. I am terrible, but because of him we were able to fool the people attending our wedding that we were sort of okay.
He really values his health and motivated himself a few years ago to lose the 40 pounds of beer/late night eating/college weight on his own. Although now I hate him a little bit because sometimes I think his waist looks better than mine.
He tells me I’m pretty every day. Even when I look totally gross.
In general, he puts up with me blogging about him, posting everything he says on Facebook, and taking pictures of everything we do. And he very seldom complains. And I love him for it.

us, circa college 2007

us, circa wedding day 2011

Nobody Loves You Like Your Mum

Posted on May 14, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

There are all kinds of moms. Fun ones, crazy ones, fun crazy ones, and million more. But one thing they have in common is that they would do anything for their children. Now, not all of these things they do are right (see Tanning Mom), but deep down they want what’s best for their kids (even if it’s not the best for their skin/self esteem/social development). So in honor of Mother’s Day, I have compiled a list of some of my favorite moms.

Claire Dunphy (Julie Bowen) on Modern Family:

The thing I love about Claire is she is just a hair away from crazy, which is how I can picture myself being as a mother someday. While she wants to give her kids the world, she also wants to be right always and is never okay with losing. Somehow Julie Bowen makes a character that could be super naggy and annoying really endearing, especially when she looks like this:

Holly from Dance Moms:

So yes, the majority of these ladies fall under the “Worst Moms Ever” category, and should probably stop paying Abby Lee Miller so much because they’re going to need to save some dinero for all the hours of therapy that their kids are going to need later, but Holly is just one step above the rest. First of all, she’s educated, which seems to be one skill that many of the Moms are lacking in. Second, she has an actual job, and although that puts her last on the pyramid in Abby’s eyes, I give her credit for showing her daughter Nia what it’s like to have a job outside of watching children dance for eight hours a day and Sewing Rhinestones 101. Third, she’s one of the few that actually brings up to Abby that 90% of her dances are inappropriate. Of course, there’s no follow through as Nia always ends up dancing in them anyway, but at least she’s not afraid to throw raspy-throated Abby a curveball every once in a while.

Amanda from MODG:

There’s an abundance of “mom blogs” on the Internet. I don’t frequent a lot of them because I don’t have a kid or anything, and do not yet need to educate myself about all of the benefits of cloth diapering. However I came across MODG (short for Martinis or Diaper Genies) a while ago and was immediately hooked, going all the way back to her first blogs and reading every entry in order. One of the things I liked about her was that she started her blog when she was trying to decide whether or not it was time she and her husband had a baby. But she also wrote about Suri Cruise, the importance of putting together a good Halloween costume, and all the wonderful things the Bravo channel has to offer. She’s one of the non-schmultzy blogs that is very real about what it’s like to be a half-hippie, half-J. Crew obsessed mother in 2012. And she’s damn funny.

Rosie Pope from Pregnant in Heels:

As mentioned before, I will eat anything Bravo serves me on a big old silver platter. Basically if you have a profession, Bravo will give you an hour long series and I will watch it. I love Rosie purely because she is so ridiculous. Her title is “maternity concierge,” which sounds like her job is to deliver babies in hotel lobbies. She caters only to the wealthiest of preggos and indulges them by performing such important tasks as hiring an entire focus group to help a set of overzealous parents choose the perfect name to ensure the success of their spawn. Also I find her speech impediment… I mean British accent… totally adorable.

And of course, some real people made the list as well:

My Grandma:

Unfortunately, growing up in New Hampshire with all of my grandparents living quite a long distance away, I didn’t really get to know as many of them as I would have liked. But based on the memories I have and bits of information pieced together from other family members, I feel actually more of a connection to them now that I’m older than I did when I was a kid. My mom’s mother was kind of your ideal 50’s housewife, except she was also an artist. Just for fun, of course, although she originally wanted to be a fashion designer but thought it was too serious. I now have paper dolls that she drew of my sister and I framed in my apartment, and she unknowingly designed my wedding shower invite as well. My mother always described her as having a Lucy-like clumbsy-ness, which anyone who knows me knows that I definitely inherited that.

My Nana:

Everyone who has ever seen the picture below tells me that I get my looks from my dad’s mother. She was your typical Italian woman, who valued family more than anything, and also, feeding them. When I was a kid I was a really picky eater, and my least favorite food was lasagna, which of course was one of her specialties. I remember her being offended that I wouldn’t eat it, and my father talked in circles trying to explain to her that it wasn’t personal, but I was just an odd child (okay, well he probably didn’t say that in so many words). Everyone whom I’ve ever talked to that had met her speaks of her grace, elegance and style. In the photo of her and my father from his prom people questioned if she was his date instead of his mother. For some reason, she always reminded me of Audrey Hepburn, which is weird because Audrey Hepburn is from like, Belgium or something and my Nana was an Italian from Boston. I felt like they had similar inflections in their voices, and whenever I watch Breakfast at Tiffany’s I feel like I can remember exactly how she spoke.

My Mother-in-Law:

The term MIL seems to have kind of a negative connotation to it, but I have known nothing but niceness since I married my husband a little over a year ago. She’s a dance teacher, and the first time I met her was in college the day before her huge Christmas recital, so clearly, I was terrified. My MIL has a very strong personality, and she’s the type of person that gets things done. I like to think of her as a Coordinator of Chaos. When I first started at my job, I was commuting over an hour and I would often stay at Steve’s parents house. They always welcomed me like I was part of the family and not just eating their food, doing my laundry and just generally taking up space. This was all while she was going through her breast cancer treatment, and not once did I feel like a burden. In fact, when we found out she was sick, I remember my mother actually said, “I feel bad for the cancer!” We knew that she was that tough and would get through whatever life threw at her, and she did.

And of course, My Mom:

My mother and I have never ever been told that we looked alike. Some moms would be offended by this, but my mom always told me she was okay with it, because I have her personality and that’s what really counts. When I was a kid she tried to teach me fractions with measuring cups. While that method didn’t actually end up helping me as I am still terrible at math, she kept at it by trying to get me to use real life scenarios to figure things out, like making me figure out how much a top at the mall would be if it was 40% off. I know everyone says this, but she literally makes the best chocolate chip cookies in the entire world. She understands the importance of a good theme, like when she helped me throw a Sex & the City premiere party complete with “Mr. Big Shrimp” and “Chicken Carrie-aki.” She also followed me out of the movie theater when she saw that the police had escorted me out under suspicion of illegally videotaping the film (but that’s a story for another day). She spends about as much time online as I do, and has almost as much of a presence on Facebook as yours truly:

Don’t get me wrong- we also spend a lot of time discussing very important world issues:

But mainly she’s just easy to talk to and we always have fun together.

But of course, we can’t talk about our favorite moms without mentioning our not so favorites either:

– See previously mentioned Tanning Mom

– Also Octomom, Toddlers and Tiaras Mom(s) and any moms in general that pull major publicity stunts and prevent their kids from having a normal existence

– Kris Jenner

– Dina Lohan

– Basically any “Momager”

– Snooki (I know she’s not technically a mom yet, but really, it’s time to start coming to terms with this)

– Everyone on 16 & Pregnant (unless they carry over to Teen Mom, and then I’m obsessed)

So Happy Mother’s Day to my mom and all the other moms out there. The cool ones especially, but also the crazy ones too.

good moms force their kids to have memories to look back on,

no matter how traumatizing

Nothing but Met

Posted on May 9, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

There are many reasons why I wish I was famous. One of the biggest one is that it is my dream to attend the Met Costume Gala in New York City. This is like a who’s who of fashion and Hollywood, and it’s okay to go a little bit overboard with your ensemble, which makes it slightly more exciting than a huge event like the Oscars, when everyone’s just trying to stay off the worst dressed lists. I love that the outfits for this event are dramatic and over the top. However, some people went so far past the top that they fell to their fashion death and probably should never go out in public again.

After scanning through the US Weekly photo album, here are a few things that stuck out to me:

– Tangerine is still in. So is peplum. And gold sparkles. But did those ever really go anywhere?
– Goth is happening. More in makeup, but some Morticia-like gowns snuck in there too. Ask me how I feel about it.
– Celebs are still trying to pass off gowns that are batshit crazy and calling them fashion forward. If you resemble a shiny trash bag, you gots to go. I don’t care what year it is, I don’t care if Hefty is sponsoring Fashion Week, certain things will always be ugly, even when beautiful people wear them. LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO WEAR UGLY CLOTHES.

So without further adieu, let’s get into some of my personal favorites, from the couture to the catastrophic.

Nina Dobrev: I’m not entirely sure who this chick is or where she came from. I take that back, I know she’s on a CW show about vampires that I could care less about. But she is gorgeous and every time I see her on a red carpet I am in awe of how she puts herself together. I love her gold and black one shoulder number. She borders on pageant with the pose, the gown, the hair and the perfect smile, but all around I just find her to be so beautiful and I would like to lose half my body weight and then borrow this dress from her. I’m not saying I have to lose weight, she is just that damn tiny.

Dianna Agron: I’m glad she has finally figured out how to do something with that horrible haircut. I appreciate the old school glamour hair do and a good smoky eye. I also like that among a sea of dark, heavy, ornate gowns she is rocking a loose teal number. However I think it’s too loose, and personally I’m sick of seeing her in this silohuette. She is young! And thin! And you would never know it because she wears dresses like this all the time. If she had dressed like this on Glee no one would have ever discovered her teen pregnancy.

Emma Stone: Eeek. I know I said I like when people go a little crazy and wear something a little out there with crazy detailing, but this red detailed number is not a good look for her. I appreciate her wearing red again, but if you’re going to wear a risk taking dress, you have to work it. You can’t look like a scared child that is being forced to live her life as a marionette doll, which is prescicesly what Ms. Stone looks like. I fee uncomfortable for her seeing her uptight stance and too fair highlights.

Jessica Alba: I actually think this dress is slightly tame for the Met, but it’s still everything I would expect a starlette to wear. She looks like a cross between a Greek goddess and that gold lady that everyone said died in James Bond. I appreciate the hair and the red lip. All in all? Nailed it.

Karolina Kurkova: Upon looking at this picture, I know you’re thinking “who the eff is that girl?!” And you’re right, she barely looks like herself because you know, she’s wearing a turban, but there is something about the rest of this look that I sort of love. It’s the Met Ball! This is one of the few events where shiz like this is appropriate. The sparkles are amazing, and I am always up for sparkles for a formal event. Also, sleeves are back. Kate Middleton was right.

Carey Mulligan: Okay, I know I said it was okay to wear something a little outlandish, but come on. She looks like an expensive fish. Props on hair and makeup, though.

Beyonce: Am I being celeb-sacreligious if I say that I’m a little over Beyonce? I feel like everyone is just obsessed with her, and no one more than herself. This dress reminded me of the exact same Versace number she wore a few years ago that required her to be carried up the stairs (although looking back, I think that she used the dress as an excuse and really just wanting to be like “what bitches?! That’s right, you’re carrying me”). I don’t get the purple, and I’m not so much of a fan of what I like to call “naked’ dresses. Not impressed.

Camilla Belle: Everything about her is pretty. Even her name implies gorgeousness. She looks so beautiful, but why, oh why did she have to muck it up with the goth makeup?!

Gwyneth Palthrow: Ugh. Another snoozer from Boring McGee. Seriously. I can’t stand her. This is a somewhat outlandish event. Why wear a half mini skirt with bedazzled pockets?

Every cast member from Girls: The prom section at JC Penney called and they want all of their dresses back.

Amber Heard: I love Amber Heard, and I don’t know why. She always looks gorgeous, but this dress was such a disappointment coming from her. News flash: this dress didn’t look good on Charlize Theron at the Oscars all those years ago, and it’s not working for you either.

Anna Wintour: I get that she’s like, the hostess for this event and EIC of Vogue so she could probably wear a track suit and people would be like “oh my God! A track suit?! Why didn’t I think of that?! Casual glamour is back!!!!” But seriously. It’s May. Time to store the furs, I would say.

Coco Rocha: Worst everything. Ever.

Lana Del Rey: I actually sort of like her dress, but between the cape (not a capelet, and actual cape) and the lipstick, she looks like an extra from Van Helsing. Maybe that’s why she’s frowning.

Solange: Now this is a Knowles sister I can get behind. She usually dresses like she’s two shades of crazy, but I think she looks amazing in this lemon gown with a peplum detail. True, goes against everything I said about sporting a little extra something for the most fanciful fashion event of the year, but I give her a solid B+ on this one.

Amy Poehler: Ahhhh. This leather dress is too serious for someone so funny. Her discomfort is palpable.

Chloe Sevigny: Ugh… she’s another one that everyone thinks is so fashion forward and I think she looks homeless 85% of the time. This dress breaks a cardinal rule of fashion in that it photographs horribly. Also it’s hideous. The only person that can get away with this is Goldie Hawn on Laugh In, which was like thirty years ago.

Christina Ricci: Please don’t judge me (although let’s be honest, that’s why we’re all here today anyway) but I sort of love this. It’s kinda glamorous but also kinda weird, which I think works for her (hello?! Wednesday Adams, anyone?!) and for this event. I do wish it was a floor length gown though. I think that would have been more appropriate and it would have looked slightly more couture.

Claire Danes: Did she forget to get a dress? This looks like one of my Crate and Barrel sheets that was haphazardly pinned in the limo on the way in. The only thing working here is her hair, I love it.

Dakota Fanning: I know she’s young and it’s May, but can we do away with the prom theme, like now?

Mary Kate Olsen: Wait, she was there? All I see is the old lady from Titanic.

Rashida Jones: She is 36. But she consistently dresses like she’s 76. There should be some kind of law that prevents young, funny women from looking like bag ladies.

Amy Adams: LOVE LOVE LOVE. This may be my favorite look of the evening. I’m serious. From the belt to the color blocking to the fabulous hair, she looks like a modern day Veronica Lake. That gold bow may as well be a gold star.

Brooklyn Decker: File this one under “When Bad Clothes Happen to Gorgeous People.” I think this is an actual David’s Bridal mother of the bride dress. I didn’t think it was possible for someone to make bangs look old, but congrats, Brooklyn. You did it.

Cameron Diaz: Screw subtlety. Yes, she may have outlined her ass, but it was only to distract from her Something About Mary hair.

Diane Krueger: Fearful she wouldn’t get in, she came as an oversized feather duster under the premise that she was part of the custodial staff.

Ginnifer Goodwin: I actually like this dress, I think the color and the detailing is amazing, but I feel like ever since she cut her hair like that, she just looks sad. Why the puss, Sad Doll?

Renee Zellweger: I believe Michael Kors said it best on Project Runway when he informed on of the contestants the gown she had constructed made the model look as if she was “pooing fabric.” Enough said.

Sofia Vergara: Wow, for her, this is like, tame, right? Do you think she was sick of people just talking about her boobs, so she picked the world’s biggest crumb catcher to tone down the ta tas? I don’t really care either way, kind of like this. But straight hair on the red carpet is the bane of my existence. Boo.

Heidi Klum: Is it possible that her face and body are getting better with age but her style is getting worse? I think black is the only acceptable color if you’re going to go with dark lace. This just looks like it went through the wash with an untreated pair of jeans. Yawn.

Katherine McPhee: Orange again! I like this. She looks like a very fancy nectarine. I like her hair off her face too.

Kristen Wiig: Okay, normally I hate everything she wears, because like many other female comedians she dresses terribly. But I think she looks really cool and fun, and again, orange. I think it goes well with this hair color she’s working lately.

Kristen Stewart: Hey, what a surprise? I hate this. She looks a crack addict who woke up in the street and sewed four different dresses together with old dental floss.

Debra Messing: Sparkles! Have I mentioned I love sparkles? But this is kind of like a sparkly potato sack. It’s saggy-ness in the hip area only seems to draw more attention to her non-existent cleavage.

Jessica Chastain: She made it through the majority of award season looking amazing. How she ended up looking like an overpriced throw pillow from Pier 1 is beyond me. I know it’s Louis Vuitton, but why would any designer make a gown out of a fabric that resembles a crumpled Kleenex?

Kirsten Dunst: No joke- when I first saw this picture I thought it was Vanessa Redgrave, and I was like what is the old lady from Atonement doing at the Met Gala? This would be an example of a bad way to wear the orange trend.

Leighton Meester: She should probably just give up her actual identity and live her life as Blair Waldorf. I know this is her “natural” hair color, but just because God gave it to you doesn’t mean it works. Also her dress is my least favorite color, paper bag. Otherwise known as fakacta.

Rihanna: I am also sick of her for many reasons, but that’s another post for another day. I’m not totally sure what this dress looks like from the front, but all I know is that crocodile is meant for bags and shoes (faux, of course). And what the hell is happening on her head?! Please just… go away.

Rooney Mara: I take back what I said about black lace.

Eva Mendes: Wow. More examples of how you can take a really hot trend and make it awful. Peplum? Too long. Tangerine? Too orange. If this was a real costume gala, like as in Halloween, it would be totally appropriate. But looking like a jack-o-lantern in May? Not even arriving with Ryan Gosling could have helped this ensemble.

Elizabeth Banks: Not even Effie Trinket would try to pass this off as acceptable Capital wear. It looks like the scrap pile from Mood threw up on a set of shoulder pads.

Rosario Dawson: Seriously? Leather? Is this what’s happening now? As far as I’m concerned, the only woman that can pull of a leather dress is Angelina Jolie circa 2007. And who really wants to look like a homewrecker, anyway?

I know I definitely missed a few here and there, but you have to understand that the photo galleries on Yahoo and US Weekly had an average of 75 pictures in them. Also I can only be so mean in one day.

So who were your favorites? Did you like the glamour girls or the bag ladies? More importantly, how can I sneak into this next year so my husband stops making fun of me for pretending I was there?

MMM: Summer, Summer, Summaaahtime

Posted on May 7, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

Remember when I said last week’s MMM entry was short? Well this one is miniature by comparison. However I think we’re definitely going for quality vs. quantity here, as the items I’ve highlight this week just happen to be sort of expensive for what they are. But hey- that’s what window shopping is all about.

essie

this has to be one of the best named collections in nail polish history. poppy razzi? ft the colors lights, camera, action? okay, so the fourth one is called bazooka, which i don’t totally understand. also there’s no way i can ever buy another nail polish again, so if you would like to donate to the “lindsay needs more nail polish” fund, message me & and i’ll be happy to provide you with my address.

kate spade via lord & taylor

i can’t stop coveting cell phone cases. sorry, let me correct myself- expensive cell phone cases. kate spade will always be my favorite. what is it about something as so simple as numbers on a phone that makes me weak in the knees?

jacadi

okay, this is crazy as i don’t have a baby. also this is for a boy, which scares the crap out of me. also babies probably should never wear white. but if i had a baby & we were taking out the small yacht for the afternoon, this is what he would wear. also it costs as much as a small yacht, so we may have to find some other method of transportation.

But I Know… It’s My Own Damn Fault

Posted on May 7, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

You know how when you’re busy, you make poor food decisions because you have to eat like you’ll never eat again? That was essentially my weekend. It’s also what I do every time I work a wedding or an event. I seriously represented every part of the food pyramid that is horrible for you. Yesterday I assisted with my first ever recital for my mother-in-law’s dance school. Since meals were confined to whatever you could shovel in your trap in between lining up tiny sequined dolls for their numbers, my meals consisted of:

-Frosted animal crackers
-A maple cinnamon granola bar
-A (couple) piece(s) of pepperoni bread
-A salami and cheese sandwich in a pita pocket (which at this point seemed healthy)
-A cheddar cheese stick

And that was just during the show. After it was over, I was given the task of picking up the mini sandwich platters for the after party. Which I promptly devoured two of before the guests even arrived because I wanted to beat the crowd. A handful of bread and butter pickles, three helpings of macaroni salad and a hefty slice of birthday cake later and my food coma set in. Did I mentioned that whilst consuming this food I enjoyed two mason jar margaritas and a birthday cake shot? I mean, it was Cinco de Mayo (good excuse as I’m clearly embracing my non-Mexican heritage) and my sister-in-law’s birthday.

this is how southerners celebrate their non spanish roots

Needless to say, today I was as bloated as that purple girl in Willy Wonka (I don’t actually know her name I’ve never seen it STOP JUDGING ME). It was as if the generous helpings of margarita salt had caused me to retain every ounce of liquid I had drank in the last three days. As much as I love my ‘ritas, feeling like a walking ad for a Jimmy Buffet restaurant is not a good look… or feel.

But did this cause me to go on a self induced hunger strike? Of course not! Because today I ate a chocolate frosted coffee roll (breakfast of champions), my Healthy Choice frozen meal for lunch, a mall pretzel, and half a big Kit Kat. I tried to balance this by drinking a Nalgene’s worth of water. I probably should have drank another, but I once read this story about a girl that freaked out on ecstasy at her 16th birthday or something, and in an effort to come off it, her friends force fed her water and she died because she flushed all of the sodium out if her body. This is clearly the same thing, so you can see why I’m afraid.

By the time I left work, I was literally feeling like crap. I definitely knew I should go to the gym. So I dressed in my underused TJ Maxx workout duds and putzed around my apartment. After almost a half an hour, I decided it was time to get off my ass and be serious. So I of course spent 20 more minutes on Pinterest and updated my Spotify playlists. Then nausea set in. I knew it was my body rejecting me for treating it so horribly. My own anatomy was trying to break up with me, but like an endangered wife in a Lifetime movie, couldn’t bear to think of what life would be like without the abuse.

Or maybe it was the fact that I took a vitamin at 6:30 without food. Either way, every organ in my body was screaming at me to stop the violence. I texted Steve and begged him to make me a salad for dinner. But still, I needed to attempt some physical exertion today. So I went to the gym. I almost fell off the elliptical from the shakes, but I at least did 30 minutes which mentally made me feel a little better.

So why put this all out there on the Internet? Because like the closet intervention, I often don’t recognize how out of control I am until see it written down. Also I don’t like to just come out and tell my husband when I do dumb things, so I wait until he sees them on the Internet and questions me later. And of course, blogging is about being honest, and if I put it out there how horribly I’m treating myself, people will ask me about it and it kind of holds you accountable for your actions.

Consider this a cry for help from me to myself. I have to get it together. Whenever I talk about my lack of enthusiasm for exercise or my humorous binge snacking anecdotes, people always look at me disgusted and go “ugh. But you’re so skinny.” While I am on the petite side, I can feel myself ruining my body, and I’m only getting older. Before I know it, things are going to start slowing down and trying to move south. I’m not saying I’m going to turn into Jillian Michaels overnight, but I need to at least attempt to work in some healthier habits into my life. I’m not giving up macaroni and cheese. Definitely not. But maybe stop being a crazy secret shameful snacker all the time, every day.

So here’s to not eating an English muffin at 11:30 pm, going to the gym more than once a month, and avoiding food babies at all costs. And also regular babies. Gotta get my stamina up before I can even think about giving birth someday.

~L

Also, five points for you if you get the Margaritaville reference in title. I was going to do a play on “lost shaker of salt,” but I was worried that everyone would burst from excitement of thinking I had selected a set of salt and pepper shakers. Which I haven’t.

MMM: A Day Late & Many Dollars Short

Posted on May 2, 2012Written by Lindsay Scouras

Okay, so I went on this whole spiel last Monday about serious blogging, regular series, blah blah blah blah blaaaaaaaaah. And then, I failed. Sorry, I know so many of you were anxiously waiting. It was kind of a crazy week as I was home in New Hampshire cheering on my sister in her most recent pageant endeavor. Therefore this entry is slightly short as I barely spent anytime in a mall this week, which was actually rather nice.