Welcome back, party people! Anyone else feel like the Golden Globes were perfectly-timed this year? It took me pretty much all of last week to get back on track after being away for the holidays, and having an award show to look forward to on Sunday night kept me on target for unpacking, getting organized, and coming back to the blog just in time for award season to pick up. It was my first-time ever hosting a small gathering at my place to watch the festivities, which many of you know is not normally how I spend my award show evenings.

I was a little stressed about trying to get our apartment ready for human occupancy (we moved in finally in November but have been taking our sweet time putting everything together), keeping up with my live Facebook and Twitter updates, and of course, enjoying the actual show itself. Thankfully, I had my number one live-in personal chef to help me, and in just one day we organized our lives (i.e. strategically hid all of our crap) and put together a party platter that rivals whatever Wolfgang Puck prepared for the drunkards at the Globes.

Award show essentials: Laptop, festive cocktail napkins, paper straws, and of course, mini bubbles.

Steve offered to put together a charcuterie platter for our friends, which despite all of his actual cooking abilities, is one of my favorite “meals” that he does.

I mean, c’mon.

But enough about that, let’s get to the really good stuff! (And I’m not just talking about cheese.) Fashion!

As usual, we start with the best.

Anyone else see midnight blue coming? Cause I sure didn’t. This shade just screams evening glamour, and these ladies did it right. Viola Davis looked like a starry, starry night in this gorgeous and age appropriate (she rocked some sleeves but a little cleavage kept the top from looking dowdy). I loved how the jewels faded from the bodice down the length of the dress. Gina Rodriguez was the first celeb I saw hit the carpet, and it was obvious that as last year’s surprise winner she now has her pick of the litter when it comes to stylists, gowns, hair and makeup teams, the works. This is a gown that you could look at in twenty years and it will still stand the test of time. As half of the world’s hottest celebrity couple, Jenna Dewan Tatum absolutely shined (especially next to Channing’s hair, oof). It’s kind of like the younger version of Viola’s gown. I wonder if these two ever ran into each other last night and stared stealthily across the room muttering “bitch stole my look” under their breath. Both of them seem pretty classy, so I’m guessing no, but hey, a girl can dream.

Amy Adams looked so relaxed last night, probably because she didn’t have the worry of being nominated and not winning again (seriously, she is the female Leonardo DiCaprio). She defies the ridiculous stereotype that redheads can’t wear red, in fact I think this is one of the best auburn shades she’s sported in quite some time. Who ever knew that the color of rust could be so flattering? I’m not sure why Kate Bosworth was there but I’m so glad she came to win in the glittery pink number, looking ten times better than most of the people who actually had a purpose for being at the event. I just wish her hair weren’t so severe all the time. She’s so tiny, and she suffers from a self-inflicting bobblehead syndrome constantly with her tightly wound ‘dos. I know that red on the red carpet could be considered overdone at this point, but come on – Emmy Rossum looked flawless. Like so elegant and poised, well beyond her years. And that necklace. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen anything more beautiful in my entire life. There was quite a bit of extra fabric there at the bottom, but I’m giving her a complete pass because, hot damn.

I don’t mind repeat outfits if someone knows what works really well for them and sticks with it (with the exception of J.Lo, because by now she has to have cornered the market on nearly naked sparkly illusion dresses). I think Laverne Cox knows she looks bangin’ in white, so she keeps wearing white, and I’m okay with it. Her green accessories were super on-trend as we saw throughout the evening, but if I had to say anything about this look (and you know I have to) then I’m going to ask for a slightly less goth lip. She looked so ethereal and goddess-like and the deep crimson kind of broke it up for me. Malin Ackerman completely surprised me because I saw her on the red carpet for all of four seconds and then I don’t remember ever seeing her again the rest of the evening. This icy pale blue gown made her look like Elsa’s much more sophisticated older sister and I can’t let it go. I would however like to hack off about two feet of fabric from the bottom of that dress that is literally folded in half above her feet. I do not ever understand while celebrities that have money and teams at their fingertips don’t just get their dresses tailored. It’s literally mind-blowing. Speaking of seeing stars, my fashion prayers have finally been answered and in a miraculous feat performed by God himself  Jennifer Lopez opted to coverup both her butt and her boobs at the same time. Don’t get me rock, girl is gorgeous and we should carve her some sort of monument so we can celebrate her body every damn day, but frankly, I was beginning to think she was looking a little bit desperate from being so revealing all the time. I think that’s all well and good for performing and things like that, but this look from last night is exactly what I’ve been wanting to see from her. She looked classy, but with a slight edge. That hair was so fresh and the jewels are absolutely on point, full J.Lo glamour-style. The Angelina leg was a little intense and I’m kind of worried about her ankles, but you know that she probably had slit cut even higher because for all we know, she suffers from a yet-unknown condition where as much of her body has to be exposed as possible, or she suffocates and dies. And finally, the Queen (as in Latifah) discovered what is truly the best color she has ever worn. I think she should throw out her entire wardrobe and buy all new clothes only in this color (including pajamas, underwear, sneakers, you name it). I don’t think she’s ever looked better. I have literally nothing else to say because that is just like, it. Done, mic drop, we can all go home now.

Just kidding. There’s more fun to be had here!

I love when people just go for it as far as color is concerned on the red carpet. Life is short! You can wear black dresses for the rest of eternity. If anyone is up for a good time, it’s obviously Jennifer Lawrence. Hollywood’s BFF has to eat, sleep, breathe and crap Dior for the foreseeable future, so we’re only going to see so much variety for her in the next few years. I was glad to see her in something more structured than that bed sheet she rolled around in last year. She was channeling Charlize Theron in a way I think (also a Dior muse, what a coincidence). Everything is very structured and angular, it sort of makes me think this is what people in the 1960s thought humans would be wearing in 2016. I think I liked this outfit overall (the necklace gets all the points) but it’s a tad severe and I would really love to see some schematics of what is going on underneath that flap to keep everything in place, cause Lord knows, she’s a tripper. I don’t know if Jennifer Lopez is pissed that America Ferrera is in almost the same shade of mustard that she is (because what are the odds that like all two of the three Latina actresses at this thing would show up in the same color?) but I hate to say… I think J.Lo wins this one. America looked pretty and all, but her top was lacking in structure and her hair was real boring. Another dullish hairdo belonged to Joanne Froggatt, but her muted lavender gown may have made up for it by being the only shade of it’s kind on the carpet that evening. I’m not crazy about those “we’re not even pretending to hide this” illusion panels, but in general she looked pretty and floaty and British so we’ll call this one a win.

I know that “rose quartz” is one of the Pantone colors of the year for 2016, but just because a color is in, doesn’t mean that everyone deserves to wear it. It’s a tough shade, and I don’t think these particular hues did these ladies any favors last night. Leslie Mann was killing me from head-to-toe in the worst way. If it wasn’t the too-big top, then it was the seaweed-looking doodads traveling south of her waist. Let’s not forget another hideous choker (seriously… why so many that evening?). I have gotten into actual arguments with people in the past about Cate Blanchett, because I think I may be the only person in the world that just does not care about her. I get that she’s never going to show up looking like Beyonce or something, and that she’s all about wearable art or whatever, but c’mon: this was a dress made out of pink hair, am I right? Like I thought it was fringe but the more I saw it move on television, I’m thinking that there is a bald unicorn running around somewhere. Katy Perry surprised me in more ways than one. Not only does she literally have no reason to be there, but she was seated at the front table last night. We’re talking miles beyond Leo and J.Law and actual actors from television and movies. I heard she got a new stylist for this event and was all excited about trying something new. I hate to say it, but I miss the days when she wore beach ball bikini tops and her date was Left Shark. She looked like a cross between a Fem-bot from Austin Powers and Elvira of Halloween beer commercial fame. And don’t get me started on the Bump-It. I think the “least improved” award had to go to Kate Hudson. She has looked flawless at the last few Golden Globes ceremonies (her white cage dress last year was basically a feat of architectural genius), so for her to show up in this was beyond a disappointment. Actually, I was kind of outraged. Like, how could you do this to us? How could you wear a sequined peach racer-back dress complete with a choker, crop top and skirt that are secretly connected? Don’t you love us, Kate? Do you want us to be happy?!

I think the entire fashion industry and every Pinterest user let out a collective gasp when they saw this hideous art project that Olivia Palermo showed up in. Fashionistas everywhere were personally offended that their icon had fallen so far from grace. For starters, she looks as wide as a house, which is the complete opposite of everything about her body in real life. Also this has to be one of the worst color combinations that has ever existed. Throw in a bad choker and you have one steaming pile of ick. Jane Fonda reminded me of one of those scary porcelain clowns that you get as a gift from your great aunt and even though it terrified you, your mom made you keep it on a shelf in your bedroom until you were sixteen years old. If I have to say something nice… well whatever was underneath the four layers of toilet paper fit very well. Also her earrings were bomb. Natalie Dormer thoroughly disappointed me because I think of her as being kind of cool and edgy and this dress was neither of those things. The dress was actually kind of marmy on it’s own (I could see a much older woman wearing it) but then they added this weird bracket and it looked like she was wearing an old-school bedazzled back brace. Does anyone else think that Rooney Mara and Debbie Downer are long lost siblings? I just imagine being at a party and everyone is having a good time and then Rooney walks in and it goes silent, like the fun has just been sucked out of the room. This is literally a shredded nude bodystocking. It’s a more formal version of Kanye’s garbage Adidas “line” that was comprised solely of undergarments. You can’t see it in this photo, but the live footage of her getting out of the limo with a giant mohawk braid on the back of her head just about killed me.

This may be all of the excitement I can handle for tonight. Tune in tomorrow when we continue with the fashion f yeahs and the faux pas of the 2016 Golden Globes! Until then,

~L

All photos courtesy of PopSugar.